


Tiger's Eye

by SolitudeMoon



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, Forced Orgasm, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Torture, Torture, Trauma, Victim Blaming, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-09-05 10:24:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 38,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16808785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SolitudeMoon/pseuds/SolitudeMoon
Summary: Steven manages to heal Jasper and tells her the truth about Pink Diamond. Jasper reacts by creating a plan to escape and forcing Pearl into a fusion which Jasper names Tiger's Eye. The remaining Crystal Gems launch a search and rescue to get Pearl back.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is not a happy tale. Pay attention to the warnings. This version of Jasper is waaaay more messed up than canon Jasper. If you are looking for a redemption arc for Jasper, this is not it.

It had been several months since Steven had finally been able to break the order of silence that had trapped the truth in Pearl for thousands of years. Bismuth was back and rediscovering what life on Earth meant now that the war was over and Rose wasn’t who she thought she was. Ruby and Sapphire had a beautiful wedding that went without incident. There was tension between Garnet and Pearl for a while that the two refused to tell Steven about, but he gathered enough to figure out it was about Pearl hiding the truth before Pink had ordered her silence in the war. Then, Bismuth, Pearl, and Garnet all went on a mission together and when they came back, the tension was gone.

Steven was still processing the information himself. He had already struggled so much with the thought of everyone expecting him to be Rose Quartz, even though multiple people had told him they didn’t and the whole point was to be himself and experience the world as someone new. He watched and re-watched the video his mother had left him while cradling the alternate version for Nora. He went back into Rose’s room and sat in the clouds. He didn’t ask the room to make anything for him, just sat. 

Finally, he started talking out loud, “Everyone used to always tell me how great you were, how perfect you were, I idolized you, wanted so much to be just like you so I could make you proud and be there for the others the way you were, but now… I suppose it’s rude to speak ill of the dead and when someone you love is gone it’s natural to cling to the positive things, and no one is perfect so I shouldn’t be surprised you were flawed, but it’s just, so much. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I think I get it now. You certainly weren’t evil, but I disagree with how you handled a lot of things. You hurt a lot of people, even people you loved and who loved you, especially Garnet and Pearl, and I don’t want to be like that. I’m not Rose Quartz, I’m not Pink Diamond,” he stood up and sniffled, then smiled a big, toothy grin, “and I’m still proud to be your son, and I still think you did more good than harm, but I don’t want to make the same mistakes. I am Steven Universe, and I’m going to walk my own path.”

Steven turned to leave the room when suddenly a transparent projection of his mother appeared before him with a smile on her face and wrapped her arms around him. Steven froze, too shocked to know what to do. Rose said, “Steven, I love you, and I am so proud of you.”

Steven felt tears he had been holding in for months pour out as he hugged her back, “I love you too mom.”

The shadow of his mother disappeared into a mass of blooming roses that floated away until they burst into tiny specks of pink light. Steven dried his tears and walked out into the house with his head held high and huge smile still on his face.

The next day, he gathered the Gems and told them he want to try to heal Jasper, “She deserves to know! And maybe since Corruption was just passed on to her rather than a direct attack my healing abilities will be able to do more. Please, I know it’s risky, but I think if she knew mom was Pink Diamond it may help her turn around. She deserves a chance to enjoy Earth like all of you too, so far all she’s known is being trapped as Malachite and fighting us, maybe if I can heal and show her how great this planet really is, she can put the past behind her.”

There was silence and then Amethyst sighed, “She was a bully but…I do think she deserves a second chance. Steven is right, she never got to experience fun or freedom, not really. I’m not saying it’s gonna be easy, but like, I think maybe it would be worth a shot,” she hid a blush with her hair and looked at the ground.

Pearl fidgeted, “Well, I suppose if we never gave Gems second chances there wouldn’t have been much of a rebellion. It’s is _very_ risky though. Garnet?”

Garnet placed a hand on her glasses and sighed, “There are too many possibilities. There are some futures where Steven is able to heal her and things go well though, and of the futures that don’t go well, we can handle any fallout.”

Bismuth crossed her arms, “I don’t know. I never met Jasper so I don’t really have an opinion. I guess from what I’ve heard about her I wouldn’t trust her, but Pearl is right that if we didn’t give second chances the Crystal Gems would have never grown. Those second chances didn’t always pan out though,” she scratched the back of her head and shrug, “do what you think is best. If you need me, I’ll be at The Forge.”

Pearl placed a comforting hand on Bismuth’s arm as the larger Gem passed and then disappeared into the beam of light of the Warp Pad.

The four debated for another fifteen minutes before deciding to give Steven’s plan a try. Amethyst retrieved Jasper’s bubble and they walked out to a large, clear section of the beach in case Steven’s attempt at healing didn’t work or a fight broke out. Amethyst took in a deep breath as she held Jasper’s bubble over Steven’s hands which were glowing with healing spit.

Right before she popped the bubble she looked at the gem closely, “Alright sis, give us a chance, I promise we can show you something awesome.”

Then, the gem fell into Steven’s hands, he clasped them together and thoroughly rubbed his spit all over it. Steven let go as the gem glowed. Jasper reformed, no sign of Corruption anywhere on her form.

/

Jasper was still reeling from everything that had just happened. She had failed her mission, she had failed to defeat the Crystal Gems. And now, now, her entire life was a lie. The one she hated and her Diamond were the same, and they were both gone, gone and stuck inside some half-organic brat. But the Crystal Gems were inviting her to join them. Join _them_. Like any Gem would ever accept her. All the other Gems that emerged from her Kindergarten were beneath her; Homeworld Gems always looked down on her because of her colony and its infamy. Now these Crystal Gems were pitying her. She wouldn’t stand for it. She was going to forge her on path, she was going to seize power. She smiled and thought of a plan. As the other Gems walked away, expecting her to follow, Jasper was pleased the one she had in mind was closest.

“Wait, hold on,” Jasper grabbed Pearl’s arm, “you knew Pink Diamond right?”

“Um, I was her Pearl for a while, so yes. Why?”

Jasper glanced at the other Gems as they got further away, “So you knew Pink Diamond better than anyone here. You knew more of what was going on than any other Gem.”

Pearl looked at the ground and fidgeted, uneasy with both the topic of conversation and the grip Jasper had on her arm, “Well, yes. I was at her side almost constantly. We planned battles together, tried to minimize casualties as much as possible, and Pink never stopped trying to convince the other Diamonds to stop and call a truce. Was there some specific thing with that you wanted to ask?”

Jasper grinned, “No reason, I just needed to distract you while the others put distance between us.”

“What?”

Jasper yanked Pearl to her chest and held her tight with both of her arms. Her gem glowed and her body reverted more to its light form, then started to combine with Pearl’s.

“S-stop it! What are you doing?! Agh,” Pearl tried to pull away to free her hands but they had already turned into light and began phasing into Jasper’s chest, “No! I don’t want to fuse with you!” Involuntarily her body was releasing its physical form and merging with Jasper. Pearl tried to focus on reforming her own body and getting away, but between Jasper’s desperate thirst for power and what she believed was companionship, the pain that was spreading through what remained of Pearl’s body, and the shock from being pulled into such an unexpected situation, Pearl was losing. Pearl screamed in pain, fusing usually didn’t hurt, but because Jasper was forcing it and Pearl resisting, it caused Pearl to feel like her whole body was on fire and being ripped apart a little at a time.

“Jasper! Let her go, she told you she doesn’t want to fuse!” Garnet yelled as she charged.

Pearl panicked. She didn’t know what to do, and she was being overpowered. She froze with this uncertainty and Jasper enveloped her. The two’s monstrous form began taking shape. She was even more hideous than Malachite. She had two sets of arms and legs. There were two arms at her shoulders, the right one slender and the left muscular. From her midsection sprouted two legs, the right one muscular and booted, the left slender with a high sock and ballerina-like shoe. She was quadrupedal. On her right side, her limbs were a muscular arm and slender leg, and on her left she had a muscular leg and a slender arm. She wore a sleeveless bodysuit that initially was a vee neck but then turned upwards and went around her neck. The top half of the suit was bright orange with a black band around her waist, and the lower section of the bodysuit was a dark brown. There was a yellow symbol centered on her chest, the top half the three points of a star, but the bottom a singular point of a diamond. 

Her face, instead of combined features, looked more like Jasper’s face sandwiched between Pearl’s. She had two sets of eyes, the top set light blue and the bottom bright orange with jet black pupils. Pearl’s nose was above Jasper’s gem, and below were two fanged mouths. Her skin was orange-brown with darker brown stripes randomly on her body. Her messy short hair was white with a few streaks of light pink. Bangs outlined Pearl’s gem and her entire face, and the rest spiked around her head to about shoulder length in the front. The back of her hair was a similar length, but it traveled down the center of her neck and back like a horse’s mane. 

The top set of eyes started crying. Jasper’s mind decided a name for them, based on a Homeworld gem with similar coloration: Tiger’s Eye. Tiger’s Eye easily intercepted Garnet’s attack and then swatted her away. She laughed, her voice was mostly Jasper’s with Pearl’s barely audible under it, “That was even easier than I thought.”

“Stop this right NOW!” Garnet yelled, “You’re hurting Pearl with this abomination you’ve made!” Her glasses had been knocked from her face and all three of her eyes were narrow with rage, her blue eye had also started to cry.

Tiger’s Eye summoned her weapon, the combination between Pearl’s spear and Jasper’s helmet created a horn on her head. It started spinning as a powerful drill. Tiger’s Eye dove into the ground with a cloud of dust kicked up from the sand on the beach. Amethyst, Garnet, and Steven couldn’t see for a moment and the giant gem combination disappeared.

“G-g-garnet?” Steven was shaking from shock but trying to stay focused, “where did they go?”

Garnet strained and her red eye started crying as well, “I-I don’t know! This was so unpredictable. I never imagined a Gem could force another Gem into that twisted form of fusion, even in the worst case scenarios for healing Jasper I didn’t come close to predicting this. I don’t, I can’t know where they’ve gone!”

Amethyst snapped out of her own horror and ran over to the crater Tiger’s Eye created, “Fine, let’s try to follow them through this tunnel then!” She considered Jasper to be family, in the sense that blood relations worked for humans. However, she considered Pearl family too, not by “blood,” but by choice. She had seen Pearl as a big sister for thousands of years now. They fought, they laughed, they bickered, and they loved each other. In this situation though, Amethyst felt the fact that Jasper was made here on Earth instead of Homeworld meant nothing compared to her bond with Pearl.

Before the trio entered the recently dug tunnel, the ocean started filling it, Tiger’s Eye was escaping into the sea. Steven hastily made a bubble to follow Garnet and Amethyst under water. They followed the tunnel until it opened into the vastness of the ocean. From there they tried to search, but there was no trail, no trace for them to follow. The three of them continued to search, even though they knew it was hopeless. Night fell and then morning broke. Steven started falling asleep despite his best efforts to remain conscious and focused.

Garnet grabbed Steven as his bubble popped from exhaustion and started swimming to the shore.

“What are you doing? P. is still out here!” Amethyst demanded.

“We lost her Amethyst.” Garnet looked away from the purple quartz, “we lost her, but I won’t lose Steven too.”

Amethyst opened her mouth to continue to argue but no words came out. She knew Garnet was right. Tears started streaming down her face as she followed Garnet with the unconscious Steven back to the shore.


	2. Chapter 2

Steven returned to Rose’s room. This hadn’t been what he had wanted. He wanted to help people; he wanted to right wrongs and make his family happy. He had done the opposite. Steven knew the others didn’t blame him, but he couldn’t help but feel guilty. He thought a lot about reasons. It was his idea to heal Jasper in the first place, and his reason was Jasper never really had a chance to be any more than what she was ordered to be so she deserved a chance at redemption, and that wasn’t a bad thing right? That didn’t make him bad, it just meant that there was another person’s reasons he didn’t understand. He wanted to understand. Steven thought the reasons why Jasper would kidnap Pearl meant she would likely do much worse going forward, and that made him scared and uncertain. He thought maybe if he could just understand Jasper’s mindset, the reasons would make sense, but he couldn’t. His experience in life was just too vastly different and his outlook too optimistic.

So he decided to focus on other things, good things. Like Bismuth joining the Crystal Gems again, Ruby and Sapphire getting married, the perfect and uneventful wedding reception after, or The Cluster being safe in a bubble at the center of the planet. He of course knew this wouldn’t stop him from feeling guilty completely, and that he would still worry about the future. Steven also knew though, that beating himself up wouldn’t change anything, and if he was going to help find Pearl and get her back as soon as he could, he couldn’t dwell on the past. 

/

When Jasper burst from the ground there was war. Fight after fight, and she proved herself capable in battle. She was the only Earth-grown soldier that survived every battle she was a part of without ever being damaged enough she had to retreat to her gem. Still there was resentment towards her, her kindergarten mates hated her because they had all come out wrong from the same place she came out right. Homeworld soldiers constantly found any excuse to get her in trouble with her agate, to get her sent to reconditioning, waited to come to her aid on the battlefield in the hopes she would be captured or shattered, and attacked her more ferociously when sparring. They saw her as a traitor, just as they saw all Gems made on Earth. Jasper pushed on, decided she didn’t need them, she worked better alone, they were all just holding her back. Quartz soldiers were designed to need companionship though, they needed to thrive as a unit and be able to fuse in an instant so they were programmed to bond easily to each other. A hole in Jasper’s mind started to form and she buried it so deep, she forgot it.

That was, until Malachite. Malachite was the closest she had ever been to another being. It was unpleasant, and it had been infuriating, but after a while, she had grown accustomed to it. She didn’t realize how much it had become a part of her until the Crystal Gems had forced her apart. Then there was the agonizing time where she was alone, separated from Lapis, and after she finally tracked Lapis down, she refused her, abandoned her. Just like everyone else, Lapis had gotten what she wanted from her and discarded her. The hole, the hunger for completion gnawed at her, drove her to seek other Gems, but the only other Gems that weren’t her enemies were Corruptions and mutants. She gathered them, but it wasn’t the same.

Now though, Jasper wasn’t alone, and she had the means to go home without being a complete failure. She found herself comforted at the bottom of the sea, even though Jasper couldn’t understand why she was drawn here. She had been trapped with the weight of the ocean by Lapis for so long and thought she hated every minute of it, and yet here she was, back again, doing the same thing Lapis had done to her. No, this was different she convinced herself. This was a pearl, they weren’t supposed to be soldiers, or think, or feel, she told herself again, a Homeworld mantra instilled by thousands of years of conditioning. Besides, she needed this pearl’s expertise to pilot a ship. “ _And I’m not alone,_ ” she thought, but brushed it aside. 

/

Pearl tried to focus. She was herself but not. Jasper was there, but wasn’t. She felt like there was breathing on her neck, hands holding hers behind her back, a heavy weight pinning her whole body face-down on the floor. Jasper’s voice was in her head, “You belong to me now. We’re Tiger’s Eye now. I own you.” She was trapped in a thick, suffocating darkness. 

Slowly, Pearl remembered what had happened. She tried to focus on what her surroundings outside were but she couldn’t. This was like fusion, but it also wasn’t. She could only vaguely feel Tiger’s Eye body, and occasionally she would get a glimpse of the ocean or a sound. Typically, she could feel her, their, body completely, and had free access to all the senses. Typically, she could interact more with the other Gem.

Her thoughts were still reeling from how much pain she had just been in. How much pain she was still in, although now it wasn’t as intense as when Tiger’s Eye had formed. It was just a dull ache across her entire form, a pressure slowly crushing her. Tiger’s Eye mindscape came more clearly into her view. Pearl had chains on the mental manifestation of her body that were holding her arms behind her back. She struggled to her feet. She was surrounded by a solid orange and yellow dome.

Pearl felt Jasper’s mental manifestation form in the mindscape right behind her. She leapt forward and turned, but jolted to a stop as the chain pulled taught. The other end was connected to Jasper, crossed around the larger Gem’s chest, so it was secure but not encumbering Jasper’s mobility. Pearl stood to the side since the chains did not allow to her square off with Jasper, she tried to keep her voice firm, but it quavered, “Let me go! You won’t get away with this!”

Jasper grinned, “Oh, but I already have, we’re far, far away from those Crystal pebbles already.”

Jasper grabbed and yanked the chain with all of her brute strength. Pearl’s lithe form was easily pulled closer. Pearl attempted to harness the momentum of Jasper’s own force by channeling it into a kick, recalling an Earth fighting style she studied hundreds of years of go that emphasized technique and turning the opponent’s strength against them.

Jasper was also a very skilled fighter however. She was surprised by the ferocity and elegance of this pearl’s attack but she still intercepted it, catching the other Gem’s pale leg around the shin. Pearl planted her other foot on the ground to ready for another attack, but Jasper swept Pearl’s foot out from under her with her boot. As Pearl started to fall backwards, Jasper added her weight by placing her elbow and forearm at Pearl’s chest and slammed the much smaller Gem hard into the ground. Pearl gasped as her back and chest spasmed from the impact.

Jasper shifted her grip on Pearl’s leg so the bend of her elbow cradled the back of Pearl’s knee and leaned forward. Jasper pressed her left knee into Pearl’s torso and placed her other hand next to Pearl’s head. Jasper smiled from ear to ear as she moved closer to Pearl’s face and saw the fear in her teal eyes, “Pretty little thing aren’t you?”

Pearl shut her eyes and turned away, uncomfortable with how close Jasper was and the excited malice gleaming in her stark, yellow eyes.

Jasper had a sudden impulse take over her, and she licked the side of Pearl’s face. Pearl shuddered and grimaced, “Ugh, disgusting!” She jerked her shoulder up with all the force she could manage, hitting Jasper squarely in the jaw.

Jasper enjoyed the sudden jolt of pain from the unexpected attack and chuckled, “Feisty too.” Jasper secured the ankle of the leg she had a hold of to her shoulder and lifted up and then went to place her other hand on Pearl’s thigh to push downwards and break the knee. Pearl took advantage of how Jasper shifted her weight and nimbly rolled out from under Jasper’s knee, then used her other leg to leverage herself against Jasper’s body and rotate her captured leg free enough to kick the quartz soldier in the face. Jasper let go, teasingly allowing Pearl to create as much distance as the chains would allow. She couldn’t help but admire this pearl’s tenacity and the look of determination on her face, “This is going to be fun,” Jasper sneered.

There was a moment, a pause, as the Quartz soldier felt something new, but familiar, desire, it almost scared her to lose herself in such a feeling. Jasper laughed and crossed her arms, “Do you know why I chose you to be mine?”

“I’m not yours, I may be a pearl, but no one owns me, not anymore, not ever again.”

Jasper laughed again and suddenly the dome turned red and shook. Jasper disappeared for a moment and the chains tightened, yanking Pearl back to the ground on her back. Jasper’s mental manifestation reappeared on top of Pearl, her legs locking Pearl’s in place and the weight of her body pinning Pearl at her stomach in a perfect full mount. “You don’t get it yet do you? We may both be Tiger’s Eye,” she leaned in so their faces were almost touching cheek to cheek, “but I am in control.”

In one fluid motion, Jasper slid her arm under Pearl’s head and lifted Pearl’s shoulder so her torso was locked in one way while Jasper also slid her leg under Pearl’s ankle and rotated it in the opposite direction, causing a horrendous popping noise and several glass like cracks at the knee joint. To a human, this would have popped that knee out, for a Gem, this signified damage to that area that would render it useless until regeneration occurred. It happened so quickly Pearl hadn’t even registered the pain yet until Jasper shifted and did the same thing to her other side. Pearl gritted her teeth to stifle her scream as much as possible. Jasper gave her little time to react, landing three powerful blows to Pearl’s face, one punch on each side and then squarely on her long, pointed nose. Pearl’s head bobbled and the back of her head hit the ground, leaving her disoriented.

“I chose you for several reasons,” Jasper smiled and placed the back of her hand on the side of Pearl’s face. Pearl closed her eyes and braced herself for another blow. Jasper felt her mind reeling, overcome with a need, a feeling, a pull she didn’t understand but didn’t resist.

Jasper started caressing the side of her face and tracing her slender jaw line, “First, you were physically the weakest, so easiest to quickly overpower,” Jasper ran her thumb over Pearl’s mouth which was pursed tight, then traveled up the other side of Pearl’s face, “Second, I knew as a pearl you were predispositioned to be controlled and owned,” Jasper’s fingers reached the gem on Pearl’s forehead and starting tracing the outline, “third, as a pearl, you would know how to pilot a ship and set a course back to Homeworld so I can inform them of Pink Diamond’s treachery with you as the proof. Now that we’re together though, turns out my choice was even more appropriate,” she ran her hand through Pearl’s short hair, grabbing a tuftful and yanking Pearl’s head upwards. Jasper kissed the smooth, oval gem on Pearl’s forehead, causing Pearl to flinch and gasp to stifle a cry. Jasper hovered close and placed her forehead on the gem she just kissed, her own gem now pressed against Pearl’s nose, “turns out in that beautiful mind of yours you have mechanical knowledge as well, so not only can you pilot a ship, you can help me fix one too.”

Pearl tried to ignore Jasper and focus on healing her mental body in the mindscape. Had this been her physical body she would be stuck with the damage until her next regeneration, but since this was only a symbol of her mental identity, she hoped she could heal them if she could focus. But she couldn’t focus enough to block out Jasper’s touch and the fear drowning her thoughts. She felt Jasper slip deeper into her mind and feelings, the quartz soldier using the bond from forming Tiger’s Eye and the pain to further control Pearl. 

Jasper was surprised at what she found, how similar they were. Pearl had always been told she was no one, had needed no one, just existed to please her Diamond. Then there was Rose, and war, and she felt she could be anything, and she lost herself in love, but she was abandoned. As a pearl, she had been programmed to be use to isolation, only needing interaction with the Gem she belonged to, she was property, a thing that could be put on a shelf if not needed and then perform at peak efficiency at a moment’s notice. That changed though when she fell in love with Rose. Suddenly she needed someone, she needed companionship, and she didn’t know how to exist without it. She couldn’t go back.

Jasper whispered, “as a bonus, now neither of us are alone,” she locked lips with Pearl’s in a rough kiss. Pearl’s eyes flew open and she let out muffled cries of protest, but Jasper responded by thrusting her tongue into Pearl’s mouth, imitating a human form of intimacy that Jasper had pulled from Pearl’s memories between her and Rose. Pearl tried to force herself to bite down, she knew she would find the feeling revolting, but it would at least be less so then the feeling of Jasper’s tongue rolling in her mouth. She couldn’t seem to will her body to respond though.

Jasper’s gem glowed and Pearl’s followed. Suddenly Pearl lost the focus to maintain her presence in the mindscape again. They, no she, wasn’t just Pearl anymore, but she still wasn’t Tiger’s Eye. She was somewhere in between, trapped again in darkness, completely without any control. Pearl tried to return to the mindscape, but every thought she had was drowned out Jasper’s voice on repeat saying, “You belong to me now. We are Tiger’s Eye. I own you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI, I have several chapters of this story already written, and I just recently re-wrote these first two chapters. Gonna look through and update the other chapters then post, so new chapters will be fairly frequent upfront until I catch up.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter is going to get pretty rough and the next one is going to be even more intense. I would like to stress that the tags I have chosen are there for a reason. If it gets too much, just take a breath and move on with your life. It is fiction, and it isn't for everyone and I'm not writing it for everyone.

Pearl was trapped in the In Between. She couldn’t focus enough to reform in Tiger’s Eye mindscape as Jasper insisted on utilizing her knowledge to attempt repairs on the Gem drop ship. Pearl was vaguely aware of a battle against a handful of Corruptions. Nephrites. In fact, one particular Nephrite she had a feeling was the one she personally yanked out of the cockpit during the war. Steven had another name for them though....Pearl struggled to remember. Jasper was very amused by her memory from the war.

Jasper tried to keep her consciousness as close to Pearl’s as she could without revealing anything she didn’t want. It was a struggle to keep Pearl chained and locked onto her while also paying enough attention to the physical world to keep her plan in motion and be vigilant for the Crystal Gems. She was becoming frustrated, the repairs were going slow and Pearl kept saying there were things she simply couldn’t do, and Pearl hadn’t started accepting Tiger’s Eye yet despite all of Jasper’s efforts. She didn’t understand, she was keeping their minds just like Lapis had done to her, and they were fused, so why wasn’t it working?

After a while without making headway, Jasper decided that maybe since she was a pearl and not a normal Gem she needed a different approach to form a bond. Japer probed deeper into Pearl’s memory, yanking every relationship in her past out from her grasp. Pearl hated it; she had learned to bury a lot of her feelings so deep down not even Garnet could tell what was on her mind sometimes, and yet Jasper was rummage around her memories like it was a free-for-all. Pearl kept trying to find a foothold in the control of Tiger’s Eye but she couldn’t. Everything was too unfamiliar and Jasper was just overwhelming…stronger. It wasn’t fair, she had fought so hard for her freedom, been her own Gem for so long, and now she was even more trapped than she had been on Homeworld.

Pearl wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but she became so angry trying to fix a drop ship she knew was never going to work she was able to focus that rage to manifest herself in The Mindscape. The damage from her previous visit was healed, but the chains binding her arms behind her back remained. She stood up and searched for Jasper, but she hadn’t formed yet.

“This is pointless,” Pearl yelled, “it’s never going to work Jasper! It’s simply impossible!”

The dome turned red and Pearl was pinned to the floor again.

“IT’S NOT IMPOSSIBLE!” Jasper yelled, wrath giving an animalistic snarl to her voice. Jasper came crashing down with her helmet square into Pearl’s chest.

Pearl’s entire chest cracked, chunks protruded out over others instead of the typical smooth and defined lines. Her torso was barely held together by her back. If it had been her physical body, Pearl would have been forced back into her gem to regenerate. She couldn’t help but scream and writhe uncontrollably in agony. She thought of retreating to The In Between just so the pain would stop but she was mad at Jasper and wanted to give her a piece of her mind.

“THIS - ISN’T - GOING - TO - WORK - YOU BRUTE!” Pearl shrieked in between heaves, tears streaming down her face.

Jasper was paused mid-punched and then fell to her knees, her helmet dematerialized, “Fixing the drop ship, or us?”

“BOTH!” Pearl yelled and then moaned as the effort sent another ripple of searing pain through her.

Tears started to form in Jasper’s eyes. She placed her hands on Pearl’s chest, which made the slender Gem flinch and gasp as she tried to wriggle free. Even though Jasper was barely applying any pressure, her clawed hands felt like hot knives piercing her body wherever they touched. Jasper closed her eyes and focused. Pearl’s chest reformed into a singular, coherent unit again. In the physical world, Jasper lacked any sort of healing power, but in The Mindscape, she was capable of much more.

There were still several cracks on Pearl’s chest but the pain had subsided enough that she was able to relax her body and catch her breath. Pearl kept her eyes closed and remained focused on her indignation.

Jasper sat with her back to Pearl, one knee at a right angle so she could rest her arm on it. She spoke so softly she was almost inaudible, “I’m sorry, I got carried away.”

“What?” Pearl struggled to a sitting position, pangs in her chest causing her to wince, and gingerly tuck her legs under her body to steady herself.

Jasper spun around, taking the hand from her knee to support her weight, “I’m sorry okay? I shouldn’t have damaged you so severely, I was just angry and… afraid.”

Pearl was wary, suspecting some sort of trick, but responded, “Afraid of what?”

“Failing again. I don’t want to be trapped on this miserable planet anymore. I want to go back to Homeworld. I know I’ll likely be punished for failing my initial mission, but at least with the information I’ll bring it should allow me to fall back into ranks. Other Gems are always going to hate me for where I came from, but with them I was part of something bigger than myself. Being an outcast is bearable when you know you’re a part of a superior race and contributing to their glory. Not like here, here you’re just alone, accomplishing nothing of significance.” 

Pearl sighed, she tried to think of what Steven would do in a similar situation, “Earth is… very different than Homeworld, but there are ways to feel like you are contributing to something meaningful.”

Jasper scoffed, “Oh please, you don’t believe that and you know it. I’ve seen your deepest thoughts, felt your darkest fears, I know when it comes down to it, you miss Homeworld too. You miss not having to make your own decisions so you don’t have to feel guilty or liable for your mistakes. You miss the structure and order, and being in space. You only stayed on this miserable rock because you fell in love with your Diamond.”

Pearl blushed, “I fell in love with Rose, not Pink Diamond.”

Jasper snorted, “Right, you make that distinction. Well regardless, she abandoned you for some filthy human and now you’re trapped here for all eternity leading a meaningless existence.”

“Greg is better than you give him credit for, and he made Rose happy!”

“Rose didn’t deserve to be happy! You do though, and we can be happy together, you just have to give Tiger’s Eye a chance!”

“A chance!” Pearl felt her face get hot as anger boiled up again, “Of course I haven’t given _this_ a chance, _you_ didn’t give me a choice!”

“A choice? Please, where do you get off acting like you’re so high and mighty? Just because instead of brute of force you used lies and tricks to fuse with Garnet? Besides, you’re a pearl, pearls don’t make choices.”

Pearl leapt to her feet, her fury blocking out the pain in her chest from the jarring movement, “How dare you!”

Jasper stood as well and got closer.

“What I did to Garnet was wrong, but it is nothing like this, and she forgave me! And if you know my thoughts even half as well as you claim, you know I am as capable of making choices as any other Gem!”

Jasper laughed, “Your face is cute when it’s contorted with rage ya know? As for Garnet ‘forgiving’ you, of course she did, she had to. You know damn well the only reason she forgave you is because she knew she was stuck with you and logically it was the best decision for the team. That and because she took pity on how weak you are. If it had been any other scenario where she didn’t have to still work with you, she would have never forgiven you,” Jasper placed her forehead on Pearl’s gem, “just as you’ve never forgiven yourself.”

Pearl tried to hold onto her anger, but her guilt overrode it and she started to cry. That had been something Pearl hadn’t even begun to face yet, she had bottled it as soon as The Cluster distracted her. She still hated herself for what she had done, she had known she was wrong, but she hadn’t meant harm, and she had been so desperate. That didn’t justify her actions though, Garnet had every right to hate her. Pearl shuddered as Jasper dragged all of those feelings to the surface.

“Admit it,” Jasper said as she cradled Pearl’s face in her hand, “We’re more alike than you want to acknowledge. We belong together.”

Jasper locked lips with Pearl. Pearl desperately tried to cling to her feelings of violation, but all she could think of was how Jasper was right. Whenever Pearl was at her lowest points she would go to be alone in her room where she knew the other Crystal Gems wouldn’t see how incredibly unworthy she felt, and she always still thought, “ _I was a fool to love Rose the way I did, I was a fool to think I could really be on my own. I’m a horrible being. I try to control everything, everyone, too scared they’ll see my confidence is fake more often than not._ ” She would try to clean, or train, or find anything, any task to throw herself into to keep proving to herself she was still capable of things and so she just didn’t have to think, and that mostly made her happy, but it was mostly because it kept her distracted.

Jasper knew all of this, she had dragged them from Pearl’s memories. Pearl hid her insecurity with pride and harsh remarks highlighting her teammate’s faults so no one would see she was the weakest. She hated herself for being weak, but she hated herself even more for being just as much a bully as Jasper, even though words were her weapons. Jasper thrusted her tongue into Pearl’s mouth, and instead of resisting, Pearl felt her body go numb as she thought, “ _I do deserve this. After all I’ve done, I don’t deserve to be happy, I only deserve this_.” Jasper thought this was a good sign, the progress she had been waiting for.

Jasper picked Pearl up and laid the slender Gem on her back, her passionate kissing fueled by Pearl’s lack of resistance. She fondled the smooth oval gem on Pearl’s forehead again, an extremely intimate act between two Gems. Pearl closed her eyes and went limp. She was overwhelmed by everything, all of her past and insecurities, and what was happening at that moment. She swore there was the sound of s storm on the beach, with the wind and the ocean roaring in her ears, and her body started to tingle and numb like that period of shock after taking an unexpected blow before the pain hit.

After a while, Jasper laid down next to Pearl and wrapped her arms around her, “See how much better it is when you just let me be in control?”

Pearl barely registered the question, and struggled to think of a response, “There was...less struggle.”

Jasper kissed Pearl’s neck; Pearl clenched her teeth.

“There’s more work to be done,” Jasper sat up, “but I won’t require your expertise for a while. Since you’re cooperating, I’ll let you stay here instead of what you call the In Between.”

Then Jasper was gone. For the first time in a long while, Pearl felt she was alone. She wasn’t sure how she felt about that. She wished she could wrap her arms around her broken torso, so she brought her knees up instead. The bite of the pain gave her something to focus on besides the torrent of mixed emotions swirling in her head. She was mad she had acquiesced, and she was mad with herself. Jasper had broken down the barriers in her mind that separated her conscious level from her repressed memories.

She had always blamed herself for all the other Crystal Gems being corrupted. Rose wouldn’t have been able to fake Pink’s shattering without her after all. Pearl hated herself for all the times she ended up injured protecting Rose even though she knew how much that hurt Rose. She hated herself for all the times she berated Amethyst, even though she knew the quartz struggled with self-esteem and really it was her own failures and not Amethyst’s actions she wanted to condemn. She hated how she ended up using Garnet to make herself feel wanted, complete, powerful. Pearl tried to repress all of these feelings like she always did, but when she did she felt Jasper’s hand on her neck, her tongue in her mouth, her presence in her mind. Jasper had cracked her open and there was no easy way to put the pieces back together.

Pearl was trapped in this cage of her own failures for an amount of time she couldn’t quantify. Jasper grasped her neck and pulled her into the In Between. For the first time since Pearl had been dragged into Tiger’s Eye, she heard another Gem’s voice. It was Peridot.

Peridot laughed, “Fix this? Please, even if you did somehow magically find the components necessary to repair the engine, which you can’t, there isn’t any power source adequate enough to get this ship out of the Earth’s atmosphere, plus, the structural integrity is too compromised to withstand the exit. Pearl is correct, it is simply impossible to fix this ship. Her expertise far outreaches my own in this ancient Gem tech anyway. You’re out of luck Jasper.”

Pearl felt Jasper’s rage suddenly roar into a volcano, “I don’t believe you!” Jasper yelled. Anxiety stabbed at them, and then it was gone. Jasper laughed, “You’re trying to trick me.”

“What?” Peridot tapped her foot against the moss-covered ground.

The core of Pearl’s body suddenly warmed as Jasper’s feelings continued to bleed into her consciousness. They were excited.

Jasper laughed again, “You think by lying to me you can buy more time for your comrades to find you.”

Peridot cleared her throat, “No. The mission to repair this Drop Ship is simply unsustainable. However, if you were to allow myself and Pearl to go free, you may earn some mercy from the rest of the Crystal Gems.”

“Or, you can join us.” Jasper retorted.

“What? No! I don’t want to fuse with anyone! Especially not whatever you two are!” Peridot yelled.

Pearl had the most coherent thought since Jasper had forced their combination, “ _I won’t let you do this to anyone else_.”

Suddenly, Pearl was in control of Tiger’s Eye. She could see the Drop Ship, the Earth slowly swallowing the machine with greenery and rust, and she saw Peridot, quivering in a makeshift prison of wood and vines. She could smell the intense musk of ancient moss and molds. She felt the cool, wet breeze whipping around the engine room. While Pearl was in control, she released Peridot and yelled, “Go, I can’t hold Jasper off for long. Use your power to get out of here!”

Peridot did exactly that. Once Pearl released her fibrous bindings, Peridot summoned her metal powers. Fueled with adrenaline, she lifted the largest sheet of metal she had ever managed and wrapped the limbs that made Tiger’s Eye’s legs. Peridot also shot a jagged piece to try and stab Tiger’s Eye, as she made a mad dash for the door, but she missed. Peridot reached the Warp Pad and activated it as Tiger’s Eye burst from the metal. Jasper struggled for control, and then began to senselessly destroy everything in sight.

Pearl was thrown back into The Mindspace as Jasper howled. The dome was red. Pearl tried to stand but was brought to her knees. Blows rained down on her from all directions. Pearl curled up into as tight a ball as she could manage as she felt multiple blows cracking her slight form. She was pinned to the floor on her back with Jasper’s hands around her throat, “So you think you are in control still do you?” Jasper laughed, “I think it’s time you learned your place.”

Jasper left Pearl in The Mindspace. Her plan was falling apart, the engine completely broken from the tussle. She wouldn’t fail in her mission to get this stubborn pearl to submit though. Jasper created a new plan, she remembered that there had been progress before Peridot had shown up. A different approach had been working. She thought of Pearl’s memories of being with Rose and got an idea. Tiger’s Eye smiled and said to herself, “You will be mine Pearl.”

The last thing Pearl felt was that Tiger’s Eye transported away somewhere. Then she was back. It took her a second too long to realize that Jasper had released her from Tiger’s Eye. Jasper’s helmet crashed into her chest, enough force to crack Pearl’s physical chest without poofing her. Pearl heard a sickening snap as she felt her arm crack at the elbow. She tried to focus through the pain and take in her surroundings, but Jasper tied a blindfold around her eyes. Pearl swept her foot trying to catch the quartz soldier. Instead, a metallic snap filled her ears as a collar snapped around her neck. Pearl’s next attack caused a buzzing in the collar that then surged her pain receptors and caused her to freeze. She was no longer Tiger’s Eye, but Jasper was still in control.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter contains rape. I have purposefully devoted this entire chapter to just the rape so you can easily skip this without missing any major plot development. These events will be talked about in future chapters in reference to dealing with the emotional damage.

Pearl felt chains clasp around her wrists, real, metal chains on her physical body. She was still reeling from the sudden separation and capture with the paralyzing collar around her neck. Jasper secured Pearl’s arms above her head to the wall. Jasper then yanked both of Pearl’s legs straight out so the Gem was flat on her back. The large quartz took another interrogation device leftover from the war in Yellow Diamond’s secret prison camp. This one instantly damaged a limb to render it useless until the next regeneration, making it easier to control prisoners. She quickly punctured both of Pearl’s thighs. Pearl cried out as cracks spread down to her feet.

Jasper picked up the most important interrogation device in the camp, the whole reason she had brought Pearl here. After she was reassigned to Yellow Diamond during the war after Pink’s “shattering” she had been sent as a guard for this prison camp. A Hessonite from White Diamond’s court had come to personally interrogate a rebel Emerald and she brought with her a device that allowed her to enter the Gem’s mind, control her with thoughts, probe her memory, and even control physical sensations. The Hessonite was away giving a report, her tools remaining at the prison, when the hasty order to retreat was given. Jasper had hoped it had been left behind in the chaos, and she was correct.

It was a two part device, one part a headband that went on the controller, and the other a pliable disc that clung to the surface of the gem on the one being controlled. Jasper put her hair up and clipped on the headband, then placed the disc on Pearl, still frozen in place by the collar.

The disc glowed and then perfectly formed onto the surface of Pearl’s pearl. Pearl gasped, “J-Jasper?! What is this?”

“A way to bring us even closer,” Jasper and Pearl gasped in unison as the device activated fully. Jasper struggled for a second to get the hang of the device. Her body was just as frozen and in pain as Pearl’s for a few moments. She felt Pearl’s mixture of fear, helplessness and anger. She hadn’t anticipating the sensation-sharing to go both ways.

Pearl could feel Jasper’s desire, her thirst for control, loneliness, and the drive to prove herself. Then Jasper focused and Pearl was cut off from Jasper’s mind enough that she could feel her presence, but not particular sensations and feelings. Jasper tested her mobility again and then gave Pearl and order, “Call me your quartz.”

Pearl felt the disc on her gem surge and the familiar inescapable tug to follow the order welled up. It was exactly like when Pearl’s previous owners gave her an order, she couldn’t ignore it no matter how much she desired to. The familiar sensation of being in her body without truly being in her body washed over her and her voice sounded as foreign to her as a stranger as she said, “You are my quartz.” 

Jasper grinned, this was working well, she found the device intuitive after the initial shock. She continued testing the devices abilities. She started stroking Pearl’s face and focused on just feeling that sensation. She was successful, she felt Pearl’s mixture of uncertainty and fear. “Relax, enjoy it.” Pearl’s body relaxed and suddenly Jasper’s touch felt less hostile. Deep inside her mind, Pearl was still fighting for control and screaming for Jasper to stop.

“Pain is of course a necessary part of control,” Jasper said, “especially since you have been defective for so long. Talking and spending time with you inside The Mindscape two days ago made me realize that pleasure was also effective. I don’t want to just hurt you, it is necessary, but I also want you to enjoy your time with me. You just have to accept my control, and with this device, we’ll make that happen. Then we can take this experience to The Mindscape and continue.”

Pearl felt tears in her eyes, “Jasper, please, you’re not making sense. Unhealthy fusions can make you feel and want things you usually wouldn’t, just please, please, take a step back.”

“Hey now, no crying, I know it’s early in our relationship and part of you will still resist, but it won’t matter. You’re mine.”

Again Pearl felt the device surge and immediately her tears stopped,“Wh-what are you going to do?”

“Gems aren’t known for seeking pleasure, but humans are, it’s one of the few things they have figured out. Between your experiences with Rose experimenting with human pleasure and my own observations, I have just the thing in mind. I’m going to power down this collar and take it off. Once I do, you will shape-shift so your form is that of a human female.”

“No! No, Jasper, please, I want no part-”

“No more talking, I need to focus.”

Pearl’s mouth froze and shut.

Jasper ran her hand through Pearl’s hair, “Good, now let’s get going, after this we can be Tiger’s Eye again.”

Jasper took off the collar around Pearl’s neck, the device and Pearl’s injuries made it unnecessary. Pearl tried a desperate focused resistance against Jasper’s order, but the device allowed Jasper to easily counter them. Pearl’s gem glowed and she began shape-shifting, something she hadn’t done in a very long time. Pearl’s uniform was replaced with human female anatomy. She kept her breasts on the smaller side to keep them in proportion with her frame, she also kept her skin smooth since it was tidier, her nipples and the inside of her vagina were the same shade of teal as her eyes. 

Jasper knew that Pearl’s experience with sex was only with Rose, and Rose had also chosen a female form. Jasper had only observed humans in the act, and she wanted to do something different though, the male genitalia and the ability to thrust inside the female genitalia was far more interesting to her. Jasper had never transformed into a human form before, but she relied heavily on the anatomical knowledge Pearl had from studying human science books. She shape-shifted from only the waist down, forming a penis of average length and width, and she also created the internal elements necessary for function such as blood vessels and testicles.

Jasper felt a little uncertain by what to do, despite pulling up Pearl’s memories. She decided to start with kissing and tongue since she did know that. After several moments, Jasper moved her hand to one of Pearl’s breasts. She enjoyed the softness and smooth fullness of the petite breast in her hand. She felt Pearl trying to escape into her mind and numb out her body’s sensation. Jasper pinched Pearl’s nipple and focused on the sensation, amping up the pleasurable feeling. Jasper realized that she felt a reaction on her own chest as well, even though it was not transformed. Pearl kept trying to mentally remove herself as Jasper kissed her neck and kept going until she was sucking one of Pearl’s breast. Pearl could feel her vagina began to ache and slicken as her body became increasingly aroused. Pearl ‘s breath shuddered as she internally screamed at her body to stop complying and reacting.

When Jasper felt the jolt of electricity in Pearl’s vagina, she realize it caused a reaction in her own genitalia as well. The blood had started pumping and she was now erect. Jasper spread Pearl’s legs, the damage causing Pearl pain, but Jasper was so focused on the pulsation of blood in her penis she didn’t notice. Jasper thrusted two fingers inside Pearl, which caused the slender gem to gasp. Jasper was surprised by how wet and slick Pearl was, she then planted her thumb on Pearl’s clitoris and began stimulating both areas. She focused in on heightening these sensations for Pearl. 

Pearl squirmed and clenched her jaw. Her face grew hot and flushed from her anatomy reacting as it was designed to and from the humiliation she was feeling. She was a fighter, a renegade, feared on the battlefield even near the end of the war, and yet she was reduced to _this_. Jasper was too caught up in the physical sensations to feel the loathing Pearl was shooting her way. Pearl thought, “ _Do something Pearl, anything!”_ The device kept her in place.

Pearl could no longer focus on anything except the pleasure Jasper was forcing her

body to feel. The device was amping her sensitivity so much, Pearl knew it wouldn’t take long for her to climax. Her face and chest began to feel like they were burning as the inner turmoil between her mind’s desire to stop what was happening and the physical reactions of her body became more dichotomous. She kept thinking, “ _Stop it! Stop it! STOP!”_ She clenched her teeth even harder as she felt the beginning waves of the orgasm hit. She couldn’t stop herself from crying out, a mixture of a sob and moan as she was enthralled in a wave of pleasure that was too intense to really enjoy. She felt fluid squirt from inside her, furthering her humiliation. “ _Disgusting,_ ” she thought, “ _I’m disgusting, this body is ugh, why is this happening?”_

Jasper couldn’t hold back anymore, she had been fighting this strong drive to thrust her penis inside of something, but now that she had brought Pearl to climax, she felt she HAD to be inside of Pearl. Jasper moved her hand to spread Pearl’s legs more and thrusted her penis forcefully into Pearl’s vagina. The walls of Pearl’s vagina were still pulsating from the orgasm. Jasper was overcome by the thought that nothing else mattered except how amazing and correct her rhythmic in and out felt. She became so caught up in the act she unintentionally shared the feeling with Pearl.

Pearl gasped and grimaced at the unwanted and odd combination of both being penetrated and doing the penetration. It hurt. She knew she couldn’t get away, she knew she couldn’t let herself go numb, but she refused to let her desperation allow her to give in. She wouldn’t be beaten by this. She would never be beaten. She clung to this last shred of strength inside herself, a dying candle she cradle in her hands to protect from the wind.

Jasper’s thrusts became faster and harder. Suddenly, Jasper was hit with a tidal wave of pleasure that made roared into a primal howl. As she ejaculated she was then overcome with serenity and the release of tension. She leaned backwards and panted, allowing herself to be caught up in the peaceful trance her body had entered. Jasper’s control remained tight enough that Pearl was still unable to speak, or fight, but it loosened enough for Pearl to escape inside her mind at last. Pearl slipped away to the relief of disconnecting from her own body, a dissociation she usually loathed.

Jasper took a deep breath in and let it out slowly, she had never felt so relaxed in her entire existence. She knew from seeing limbs cut from a Gem’s main body that when she removed her penis from Pearl, the semen would disappear as it returned to light, but a part of her wished it would somehow stay inside of her Pearl forever. Jasper had only done this because she believed it was one of the things that strengthened Pearl’s bond with Rose, but she hadn’t expected enjoying it herself. Jasper looked down and removed the blindfold from Pearl’s face. She saw Pearl’s eyes were open, her face was to the side, but she wasn’t focused on anything. Jasper hoped this was a good sign and decided to interpret it as compliance, perhaps bliss even. Then an overwhelming desire to be Tiger’s Eye hit Jasper.

Jasper dismounted and returned to her original form. “Shape-shift back to your normal form Pearl.”

Pearl did so, still looking at nothing particular.

Jasper reached for the chains, “Pearl, you are to remain still, I will undo these chains and then remove this device, after that is done, you will fuse with me.” She wasn’t entirely certain if this order would hold once the device was off, but she didn’t want to risk breaking the machine as Tiger’s Eye formed.

Jasper released the chains; Pearl’s arms fell to the ground, still above her head. As quickly as she could, Jasper removed the headband and disc and stored them in her gem. She then picked Pearl up and their bodies glowed. Pearl was still blocking out physical sensations, so Tiger’s Eye formed more easily. 


	5. Chapter 5

Since Pearl hadn’t been focused on physical sensations, and Jasper was getting more adept at taking over another Gem’s form, Tiger’s Eye’s limbs were more organized on reformation. Arms now corresponded with arms, and legs with legs. “Getting better,” Tiger’s Eye flexed her main two arms at her shoulders; both were the muscular Jasper-like limbs. Pearl’s two broken legs were at the midsection, and there was slight damage to her torso. Pearl’s arms were the first set of Tiger’s Eye’s legs, giving them a slight limp from the damaged elbow. Jasper noted to be more careful with damage to Pearl’s physical form if they separated in the future.

Jasper allowed Pearl to remain in The Mindscape as she figured out her next move. Fixing the Drop Ship was now out of the question since she had further destroyed it and Peridot had escaped. She wasn’t aware of any other ships on the planet either. Communication devices were also out, since she knew from Pearl the Hub had been quite thoroughly destroyed. As usual, the Crystal Gems were in her way of progress. 

Then she sneered, of course, she would have to get rid of the Crystal Gems. Jasper decided to take advantage of the fact Peridot had likely told the others Tiger’s Eye had been at the Drop Ship and go to the Beta Kindergarten for a few supplies from her old makeshift prison. The Kindergarten certainly could hold more monsters for her army than one of Yellow Diamond’s secret prison, but since the three runts had found her there last time, she couldn’t risk an extended stay.

Pearl curled into a tight ball and silently sobbed. She could still feel Jasper’s presence in The Mindscape, but it was weaker than in the In Between and as far away from Jasper as she could manage in her situation. Pearl was desperately trying to think of anything other than what had just happened, but she couldn’t string a complete thought together. Her entire body trembled as she was overwhelmed by how powerless and trapped she felt. After a time, she became still, numb to her surroundings again.

Then she heard a familiar voice.

“Pearl! Pearl? Are you okay? Pearl?”

She felt a hand on her shoulder as she focused again, “S-steven?”

Steven smiled, but his eyes were still teary and filled with worry. 

Pearl sat up, “How are you here?” A brief stab of panic jabbed at her chest as she worried that somehow Jasper had forced Steven to join Tiger’s Eye.

“Peridot told us how Jasper was trying to get you and her to fix the Drop Ship. Tiger’s Eye was gone by the time we got there, so we searched the area. When we didn’t find anything I decided to fall asleep in the ship since you had been there recently and try to telepathically connect with you, and it worked.” He excitedly threw his hands up in the air.

Pearl sighed in relief, “It is certainly nice to see you. You shouldn’t stay long though Steven, Jasper is bound to notice your presence.”

Steven put his serious face on and nodded, “Right, I’ll go as soon as you tell me where you two are so we can come get you.”

Pearl shook her head, “I have no idea Steven,” she glanced up at the dome, “this isn’t like a normal fusion, I don’t have access to all our senses.”

“Oh, Garnet has been adamant that we don’t call Tiger’s Eye a fusion, so we’ve been calling it a takeover, although Amethyst calls it body snatched sometimes. Is there any sort of clue to your location though? What’s the last place you remember, or was the Drop Ship the only thing you saw?”

Pearl stuttered, knowing the answer was some sort of dungeon with the devices Jasper had used on her, even though she never got a good look. She also didn’t want to tell Steven. If he asked her why she had gone there, it somehow felt like what happened would be even more real. Too real, and she wasn’t ready for that yet. Her chest started to feel tight and her body hot, “I- I, th-th...the last place I remember was the Drop Ship,” she lied, “we warped somewhere after but I’m not sure where. Without a ship to fix, I have no idea what her plan will be now.”

“Hmmm, well, we’ll just have to keep looking,” Steven replied, his brow furrowed and he put his hand to his face to think.

“I’m sorry I can’t be more help,” Pearl felt tears starting to form.

Steven hugged her, “Hey, you saved Peridot! You’re doing amazing! She was really, really happy you broke her free.”

Pearl shuddered, “She was?”

Steven squeezed her, “Absolutely,” he took a step back, “hang in there Pearl, we’re not going to let Jasper get away with this.”

Pearl squeezed her eyes tight to stop the tears and put on a brave face for Steven. She locked eyes with him and nodded, “Right, I can’t give up. I’ll keep doing whatever I can from in here. Just tell the others-”

Pearl was yanked back as Jasper manifested in The Mindscape. The quartz soldier wrapped one hand on Pearl’s mouth and her other arm around Pearl’s torso, lifting the smaller Gem’s feet off the ground, “What do you want brat?” 

“Jasper,” Steven had fallen backwards out of shock. He started to cry as he looked at Pearl, “Jasper please, just let Pearl go, that’s all we want!”

Seeing Steven scared and crying snapped Pearl to attention. She wanted to protect him. Adrenaline coursed through her, she swung her legs upwards, catching Jasper off guard and causing her to let go. Pearl quickly pushed off Jasper’s chest, landed, then charged and knocked Jasper over by aiming low. 

“Steven, get out of here,” Pearl wanted to add that she would be fine, but a powerful blow from Jasper landed squarely on her chin. 

Pearl’s mind reeled as she plunged into the In Between. She could still feel Steven’s presence, but he was farther away, still in The Mindscape. Jasper was focused on trying to kick Steven out of Tiger’s Eye’s mind. Pearl changed her focus on the outside world and she got a brief glimpse of red strata rocks and holes. She could feel Steven leaving and with all her willpower yelled, “BETA!” She had no idea if Steven heard the message or if he would understand. She didn’t have time to dwell on it though as Jasper pulled her back into The Mindscape and began beating her relentlessly in a blind rage.

As Jasper grabbed Steven by the shirt and tossed him out, he wanted to yell for Pearl. Just as he was leaving Tiger’s Eye he heard a faint whisper, “Beta.” Steven gasped back into his body, tears rolling down his face. Before any of the Gems could say anything he yelled, “Beta Kindergarten, now!”

Without pause Garnet scooped him up and rushed to the Warp Pad, the others followed. With a familiar flash of light, the Crystal Gems left the Drop Ship and found a raging Tiger’s Eye in the Beta Kindergarten.

Garnet placed Steven on the Warp Pad and gave orders, “Steven stay here, we need you ready to heal, protect Gems that get poofed, and bubble the Warp Pad if Jasper tries to escape. Amethyst, fuse with me, we need Sugilite’s raw power. Bismuth, Peridot, try to flank and attack. Now move!”

Everyone nodded and acted. Garnet and Amethyst kept their fusion dance short, needing little synchronization since they both had an equal amount rage at Tiger’s Eye on their minds. Sugilite roared and summoned her weapon, “Tiger’s Eye! End of the line, let Pearl GO!”

Bismuth jumped left onto a ledge and quickly went to circle the giant take over. Peridot struggled up a ledge on the right and panted as she tried to mirror Bismuth. Sugilite charged straight forward, throwing her flail directly at Tiger’s Eye chest. Tiger’s Eye dodged to the right and summoned Jasper’s helmet. The two giants clashed with a burst of dust and a flurry of hits.

Pearl was stunned, not entirely sure what had just happened. Steven was gone, then there was just rage and pain, and now, now, she wasn’t sure. She tried to calm herself and focus, she realized Jasper had dragged her back to the In Between. She heard Sugilite yell. Steven must have heard her. She smiled, The Crystal Gems were here. She wanted to help, but the darkness of the In Between was suffocating and she vaguely felt Jasper’s hand on her throat, holding her in place. Pearl realized it wasn’t just her fear she was feeling. Jasper was afraid. Afraid of losing, afraid of being alone.

Pearl had an idea. She focused on that fear. She felt her own fears she had bottled up for thousands of years. Jasper pushed Pearl back into The Mindscape, “What are you doing?”

“You wanted to know more about me right,” Pearl shook, “you think we’re the same right? Then here, here’s thousands of years of grief and fear and loneliness that you think your feelings are so similar to!”

She was back in the In Between, but it wasn’t because Jasper had allowed her to be, she had overwhelmed Jasper with her unexpected outburst. Pearl could hear and see more of what was going on outside: Bismuth coming in for a strike, but Tiger’s Eye horn hitting and destroying her physical form. Peridot running towards Steven at the Warp Pad with Bismuth’s Gem. Taking a blow from Sugilite’s flail, returning blows back to Sugilite and sending her crashing into the mountainside.

Jasper was pulling her back further into the darkness of the In Between. Pearl focused on her fear once more. She thought about the war, the terror of the battlefield, the grief of friends getting shattered, the aftermath of the Diamond attack as the world filled with screams of horror and rage as her fallen comrades took their Corrupted forms, the guilt of blaming herself for how the war ended, for helping to pretend to shatter Pink Diamond, the wedge it drove between her and Rose, the fear and loss as she clung to Rose even as she knew they were drifting farther and farther apart, then the complete chaos of losing her.

Pearl was back in control. She could feel Jasper pulling her back down, she wouldn’t have long. “Sugilite! Quickly!”

“Pearl!” Sugilite grinned as she picked herself up, “Good to hear your voice stronger than Jasper’s.”

Pearl exclaimed in pain as Jasper increased her attempts to drag her back down. Pearl could see Sugilite’s attack coming, and kept Tiger’s Eye body still and open. Jasper gained control of her two arms. She moved to protect her chest from the attack. Pearl reared up, using her arms that were two of Tiger’s Eye’s legs to grab the other arms. The injured one was unable to keep a good grip, Jasper jerked Tiger’s Eye, using the already injured arm to take the brunt of Sugilite’s blow and then jumping into the air with her back legs.

Pearl fought through the pain, trying to hold on just a little longer. Jasper snapped her back, the last image she saw was Sugilite jumping after them yelling something.

“Jasper!” Sugilite yelled and swung her flail. It wrapped and crushed Tiger’s Eye at the torso, just as the horn part of Tiger’s Eye’s weapon pierced Sugilite at a steep angle, entering at her chest and exiting through her lower back. Both giants reverted to their light forms and fell apart.

Pearl opened her eyes, her broken legs and arm dangling above her. She looked around. She was plummeting to the ground along with Amethyst and Garnet. She craned her neck and saw Jasper trying to grab her. Adrenaline spiked, she barely managed to summon her spear with her uninjured arm and hit Jasper square on the helmet, pushing her away. Jasper’s head yanked backwards, and her legs kicked Pearl’s back as they parted. Pearl’s head was flung back by the kick, and then snapped forwards when something tighten around her waist and pulled as she lost consciousness again. 

Pearl jerked back awake, but everything was blurry. She was aware that someone was holding her, thicker arms. Reflexively she punched with her good arm, aimed haphazardly at whoever was holding her, assuming it must be Jasper. She cried out as pain splintered through her knuckles and wrist as they hit something hard and smooth.

“Fuck! P. it’s Amethyst. Girl you just punched my gem!” The smaller quartz had pulled Pearl into her arms with her whip and was running with her towards Steven when the unexpected hit landed on her gem. Amethyst had to pause as her legs shook from the shock of the impact. She doubted Pearl had the strength to actually crack her with her bare fist, but it certainly was enough to send a few jolts of pain and a single blip in her body’s light.

“Ame-thyst?” Pearl said slowly and with uncertainty, then passed out again. 

Pearl felt like she was swimming through sludge. Sometimes she felt she was completely alone, yet other times she felt like Jasper was inside her head, in control. She thought she could hear Steven or one of the Crystal Gems, but most of the time all she could hear was Jasper’s voice. She swore she could feel Jasper’s hands wrapped around her. She swore everything was orange.

Pearl jolted to her feet, but immediately tripped over something. She rolled back to her feet and drew her weapon.

Amethyst and Ruby jumped up from Steven’s bed. Amethyst called out when she saw Pearl draw her spear, “Whoa, cool it Pierogi.”

Pearl heard a voice, but didn’t recognize it. For a second she thought she knew where she was, but it was wrong.

Bismuth came out from behind the kitchen counter where she had been making snacks for Ruby, Amethyst and herself, “Hey there doll, let’s just take a deep breath.”

“S-stay back!” Pearl yelled and raised her spear into a striking position. Her hands shook. 

Amethyst went to jump down, but Ruby stopped her, whispering urgently, “Wait, no sudden movements. We used to see this in the war, Gems that survived particularly brutal battles, or ones we rescued after being captured sometimes would think they were back at that moment. Bismuth, Biggs, and Snowflake were the best at snapping them out of it.”

Amethyst fidgeted but stayed on the second floor, “Well, guess it’s good Steven is with his Dad at least, we wouldn’t have been able to stop him from interfering.”

“Alright, alright,” Bismuth stopped her advanced and raised her hands up, “I’ll stay right here. Do you know where here is Pearl?”

“I, I’m,” Pearl shook her head, even the name Pearl felt both correct and incorrect, “Maybe? No, I...it seems familiar but it’s wrong! It’s just,” she clenched her teeth, “orange.”

“Familiar is good, keep focusing on the things around us. I’m not gonna move, so look around as much as you’re comfortable doing and tell me what you see.”

Pearl’s eyes darted around the room visible in front of her, “S-stairs, windows, a door, a...a picture of Rose,” she lowered her spear a little and stopped shaking.

“Good, focus on that picture, where is that picture located?” Bismuth asked and took a small, tentative step forward.

“Th-the house, at The Temple.”

“That’s right, the house where Steven lives, The Temple where you have your own room, the base for the Crystal Gems, _your_ home,” Bismuth took another step forward and gently grabbed the spear, “so, how about we put the spear down Triple B?”

Pearl looked surprise then let out a single laugh, “I haven’t heard that nickname in a long time,” she lowered her spear further, “B-bismuth?”

Bismuth grinned, “That’s right, your favorite neighborhood blacksmith, at your service.”

Pearl’s spear disappeared and her hand went to her face, fixated on the space between her nose and mouth.

Bismuth took another step forward, “It’s just you Pearl, there isn’t another gem on your face, only thing in the middle is your nose,” she reached out with her hand.

Pearl grabbed two fistfuls of her short peach hair and closed her eyes, tears forming.

“Hey, it’s okay, you’re safe,” Bismuth said softly and rested her hand on Pearl’s shoulder.

Pearl violently flinched, so Bismuth retracted her hand, but then Pearl reached out, intertwined her fingers between Bismuth’s and squeezed, “Is this,” Pearl paused, “Is this real?”

Bismuth grimaced a little, “Very much so. That is definitely my real hand you are squeezing with surprising strength.”

“I-I’m me? I’m home?” Pearl was still uncertain, but the house was starting to look more and more like it should.

Bismuth nodded, “That’s right, now, would you mind easing up on the digits a bit,” she used her head to motion to the hand Pearl was squeezing, “my hands are rather important to me after all.”

Pearl loosened her grip but didn’t let go, “I’m me, I’m home,” she said again, as a statement instead of a question, “I’m,” the tears finally started to fall an she let go of Bismuth’s hand so she could throw her face into the large Gem’s chest and wrap her arms around her, “Oh Bismuth.”

Bismuth held Pearl tight as the pale Gem trembled and sobbed. Bismuth felt Pearl shaking and her legs buckled from under her, so Bismuth lifted Pearl and walked her over to the couch, motioning with her head to Ruby and Amethyst that they should join. Pearl brought her knees up onto one of Bismuth’s legs and buried her face into Bismuth’s shoulder, the larger Gem’s rainbow hair framing her pale face. Ruby sat next to Pearl on the couch and Amethyst sat across from Pearl on the coffee table, which was pushed diagonally after Pearl and tripped over it.

“Good to see you again,” Amethyst said, her voice uncharacteristically hesitant.

Pearl sniffled and lifted her head to look at Amethyst. She hiccupped, “G-good to s-see you too. Sorry I punched your gem, I thought you were Jasper.”

Amethyst shrugged and chuckled, “No biggie P. I think you did more damage to your hand then my gem anyway, you just caught me by surprise.”

Pearl kept one hand clung to Bismuth as she moved her legs to the edge of the couch, unconsciously scared that if she let go everything would disappear. Pearl placed her other hand on Amethyst’s knee and gave it a quick squeeze, “Thanks for understanding.”

Amethyst blushed and looked away, she couldn’t stand to see how much pain was in Pearl’s teal eyes, “Like I said, no biggie.”

Pearl shifted her attention to the smaller form with her on the couch and panicked. She hadn’t been paying attention to the other’s and had assumed it would be Steven, “Ruby? Wait, where’s Sapphire, is she okay?”

Ruby opened her hands quickly, showing Pearl the blue triangular-cut gem she was holding, “She’s fine Pearl, don’t worry. She’s just regenerating. You know how hard it is for her to focus on her current form with the Future Vision and all, so it’s just taking a while as usual.”

“How long have I been unconscious?” Pearl asked as her shoulders relaxed again.

“Two weeks,” Amethyst replied, placing her hands behind her and leaning on them, “thought you might challenge me for longest Gem nap for a bit there,” she smirked. Really, she had been worried that Pearl was never going to wake up, so she coped with humor.

“Two weeks? That really is a long time. How,” Pearl looked at the ground and squeezed Bismuth tighter, “How long was I Tiger’s Eye?”

The was a heavy silence as everyone looked at the ground and hesitated to reply. Bismuth cleared her throat, “Almost four months.”

Pearl’s face jerked up, her eyes wide as she looked at Bismuth, “Almost four months? I - I thought maybe a few weeks, or two months at the most. I- I’ve never lost track of time like that before. I-” she trailed off, then she started looking around, “wait, where’s Steven? And Peridot?”

“Peridot is sulking in the bathroom,” Amethyst pointed with her thumb.

Ruby fidgeted, “And Steven is only here during the day. For safety he’s been sleeping in the van with Greg.”

“Safety from what?” Pearl thought about how she had just woken up and threatened Bismuth, “Oh, I guess from me.”

“What, oh no, no, not at all. It’s, well,” Ruby looked at Amethyst and Bismuth, pleading for help.

“Jasper escaped,” Bismuth stated firmly, “we expect her to come for you. So until Sapphire is back and we can track Jasper down, we determined Steven should be away from the Warp Pad when he’s asleep and vulnerable.”

“Jasper is out there still?” Pearl clenched both of her fists.

Bismuth placed her hand on top of Pearl’s fist clutched on her blacksmith’s apron, “Yes, but once Sapphire’s is back we’re gonna track her down with her Future Vision. Right now though,” she reached her arm around Pearl, grabbed Ruby, and moved her hand from Pearl’s to Amethyst shoulders, “right now, we celebrate! You’re back, you’re awake! Let’s focus on the here and now. Enjoy the moment, tomorrow will come when it comes. Right Triple B?”

Pearl chuckled again and forced a smile on her face, wrapping her arm around both Bismuth and Ruby, “Right.”

“Alright, someone needs to explain that nickname to me,” Amethyst stood up on the table and crossed her arms.

“Oh c’mon, it’s so obvious,” Bismuth jabbed and gestured at Pearl, “beauty, brains, and brawn, the triple threat.”

Pearl blushed and playfully smacked Bismuth, “Oh stop it,” she finally retracted her contact from Bismuth and clasped her hands together, “It’s good to be home though.”


	6. Chapter 6

For a few hours the Gems just tried to relax and keep the atmosphere light. All of them were struggling. Ruby wished Sapphire was back so they could figure out where Jasper was and take her out. Ruby hated Jasper's ability to take over another Gem more than anything, even more than the Diamond Authority, so having to chat and pretend her long-time friend wasn't in danger and hurt had her on the edge of accidentally setting things on fire the entire time. Amethyst couldn't help feeling guilty since she was one of the advocates for Jasper's return, and angry with herself for not knowing how to help Pearl now that she was home.

Bismuth seemed the most jovial, but was also the most vigilant. She watched Pearl for any sign of another dissociative episode and tried to determine her mental state. She didn't like what she saw. She noted that unless Pearl initiated physical contact or saw someone's touch coming she shrank away or flinched. Pearl also kept putting on what Bismuth called her "pearl face," the vacant-eyed smile all Homeworld pearls had mastered. Bismuth hadn't seen that look on the Renegade Pearl since the early days of the war, back before she had earned everyone's respect and built her own confidence.

Pearl still had this vague feeling that nothing was real. She half-expected at any moment that she would find out she was just asleep in Tiger's Eye's Mindscape and dreaming of home. She kept reaching out to Bismuth, small touches to root her back in the physical world. She also felt vulnerable; Jasper was out there and looking for her. She could almost feel Jasper's longing for them to be together again. She knew everyone was worried about her and she was trying to feel relieved, safe, happy to be back. She told herself she should feel those things. She didn't.

Pearl couldn't keep pretending, she stood up, "Thanks for bringing me back and spending time with me. I would like to be in my room now, been awhile after all," she gave the best smile she could manage and held back her tears.

"I can go with you if you want," Bismuth offered.

"No," Pearl replied quickly and with a little more edge in her voice than she intended. She took a deep breath in and wrapped her arms around her torso to soothe herself, "I haven't been completely alone in months. I just need time to myself to… process everything."

Bismuth nodded, "Take the time you need. We'll be out here if you want to talk."

"Oh," Ruby added as Pearl opened the door to her room, "Steven usually gets here around nine in the morning. He's been really worried so I'm sure he'll be excited to see you."

Pearl nodded and retreated into The Temple.

Amethyst stood up, "I'm going to my room too," she hoped rearranging her piles would help her feel better.

Once it was just Ruby and Bismuth, the smaller red Gem leapt onto the Warp Pad since it was the closest non-flammable surface and raged, "Stupid Jasper! How could she do that to Pearl! How could she twist something as precious as fusion and turn it into – into- GAH!"

Small particles of dust on the Warp Pad went up in smoke at Ruby's feet.

Bismuth shook her head, "I don't know Rubes, It sounds like Jasper is pretty broken herself, but stars, seeing Pearl's face like she was still some Homeworld slave, how quiet she was, and how her reflexes kept triggering like one of us was going to start beating her…nothing can justify causing that sort of damage."

"I know bad things happened to Jasper! I know being Malachite must have messed her up, and how badly Homeworld treats Quartz soldiers, and I'm sure they were biased against the Earth-made Gems, but she was on Earth for months! She should have known better. Somehow. Ugh, I don't know either! I guess she never really had a chance to break out of Homeworld's thinking and discover the good on Earth, but, but, but she hurt PEARL! She," Ruby slumped her shoulders, "she's still out there. Still a threat, and there's nothing we can do to change the past."

Bismuth walked over to Ruby and held her tight, her lava-proof body immune to Ruby's flame, "Right, we can't change the past. Not for Jasper or Pearl. We can only affect the here and now and what happens next."

/

Pearl hadn't come out of her room in two days. A debate started as to whether someone should go in and check on her, or if it was better to respect her wishes.

"She's hurting, we need to help her," Steven insisted.

Bismuth shook her head, "She had all form of agency stripped away from her Steven, maybe respecting her desire to be alone and letting her decide when she's ready _is_ helping her."

"It's been two whole days," Amethyst argued, "we've given her plenty of time."

"She was trapped with Jasper for four months," Ruby said, "is two days really enough?"

"Arg," Amethyst flopped onto her back, "when is Sapphire coming back? We need a tie-breaker."

As if she had heard, Sapphire's gem glowed and she reformed, "It is important to give Pearl a chance to make decisions, however, right now, she needs Ruby and I to talk to her."

Ruby hugged Sapphire, "Welcome back wife."

Sapphire chuckled and hugged her back, "I missed you too wife. Now come on, my Future Vision is showing Pearl's thought process isn't going anywhere good. Amethyst, would you mind opening your room? Pearl won't hear us trying to get in through her door to allow it."

"Can I come too?" Steven asked.

"No," Sapphire replied bluntly, "the highest possibility for the best outcome is Ruby and myself only talking to her."

Steven slumped into the couch in defeat. Sapphire thanked Amethyst as she opened her room door and allowed them in.

Once they reached the pools that would connect them to Pearl's room Ruby asked, "Wait, what should I expect?"

Sapphire paused, "This could go a lot of ways Ruby. She might shut down completely, she might get angry with us, she may become even more distant, or this will be exactly the support she needs. Honestly the only reason I am opting to take the risk to talk to her now is every future I see where we don't interfere ends with some sort of self-destructive incident."

Ruby gulped, "o-okay, let's do our best."

Sapphire nodded, "Oh, just a warning, it is very likely the Communication Hub incident will come up."

Ruby fidgeted, "What? Why?"

"She may be thinking her deception is the same as Jasper's use of force."

"Sardonyx is nothing like Tiger's Eye! And neither was that situation," Ruby fumed.

Sapphire nodded, "I agree, but there are a few similarities between how we felt and how she feels now."

Ruby sighed, "All right. Thanks for the warning. I'll try to keep my cool if it comes up."

They grabbed each other's hands and leapt into the pool.

They found Pearl on the highest fountain sitting with her legs pulled close to her body. Her face was buried in her knees so they couldn't see her expression. Sapphire sat with her legs under her in front of Pearl. Ruby settled next to Sapphire, with legs criss-crossed. They waited in silence for a moment to see if Pearl would notice their presence.

When Pearl didn't react, Sapphire cleared her throat, "Pearl, it's Ruby and Sapphire."

No reaction.

Ruby spoke, her voice louder than Sapphire's but not shouting, "Hey, c'mon Pearl, talk to us, please?"

Pearl finally lifted her head, she seemed confused for a moment and then her face flushed teal, "Ruby, S-sapphire, I didn't hear you two come in. Good to see you reformed Sapphire. I'll come out soon. I remember you said Steven will want to see me."

Ruby gave a quick side-glance to Sapphire, "Pearl, you've been in here for two days."

"T-two days?" Pearl's eyes grew wide and she shifted so her legs were tucked under her and her hands clasped in her lap, "Oh, no wonder you two looked so worried." She started staring at the water, "I was just lost in thought. There's a lot of… things to unpack after," she trailed off.

"Well, maybe we can help with that," Sapphire offered.

Pearl mumbled, "You two don't need to do that."

Ruby frowned, "We want to though. You're an important part of this team after all."

Pearl scoffed, "Am I?"

"Of course you are," Sapphire clenched her fists, this wasn't a good sign.

"Yeah," Ruby nodded, "I'm sure Jasper said some awful things to you, but you didn't deserve it."

"What if I did though," Pearl started crying, "what if I deserved everything she did to me? Am I really any better than her?"

"You're nothing like her Pearl!" Ruby raised her voice but quickly reeled in her emotions when she saw Pearl tense up. "Jasper is a bully and a brute. What she did to you, forcing you to become Tiger's Eye, no one deserves that."

Pearl shook her head, "Except Jasper honestly didn't understand what she was doing was wrong. She was just doing what Lapis did to her with Malachite, well, more than that," Pearl touched her gem and brought her knees back to her chest. Sapphire and Ruby both noted this odd movement but didn't get to question it as Pearl continued speaking, "and Lapis was only angry and needed to take it out on someone because of me, because I never thought to release her from the mirror."

"None of us did that Pearl," Sapphire shifted, this was definitely not a good path, but she couldn't see a way to jump off it. She hoped Ruby's impulsiveness could save things, "We all just believed Homeworld that gem-powered items only use gems so broken the Gem herself no longer has conscious thought, that they were essentially shattered except for residual energy, like a ghost. We couldn't have known-"

"Except _I_ should have!" Pearl cut Sapphire off, "of all the Gems, I should have been the one to question Homeworld's honesty about the potential and individuality of a Gem, I'm a _pearl_ after all. Even if you don't count that though, how is Tiger's Eye any different than what I did with Sardonyx?"

Ruby was glad Sapphire had warned her that this would come up. She kept her voice steady, "Pearl, to us, the ones it happened to, the thing with Sardonyx is nothing like Tiger's Eye."

"Why? Because I used some stupid manipulative scheme instead of brute force? I was feeling powerless and lonely and Sardonyx reminded me what it's like to be confident and showed me how amazing it is to have someone who loves you just as much. Just like Jasper used me to try to feel stronger and complete," Pearl scoffed again, "no, I was worse. I knew you and how important fusion is to you two. Jasper at least has the excuses of thinking I was just a mindless pearl, all of her relationships have been someone stronger overpowering her until she accepted it and coped by thinking it was just the way the universe worked, and she was corrupted! Me? I'm the real monster."

"Pearl, we forgave you," Sapphire said after a pause.

"Of course you did. You two are amazing, and strong and made of unconditional love. Besides, you're stuck with me, not like you had much of a choice."

"Oh trust me," Ruby crossed her arms, "I burn hot enough that if I felt you didn't deserve to be forgiven we wouldn't have forgiven you."

Sapphire placed a hand on Ruby's knee, "Yes, if we didn't think you deserved to be forgiven, we wouldn't have done it Pearl. Sardonyx is a manifestation of our close friendship. If you were our lover, and Sardonyx was a representation of our love, the way Garnet is Ruby and my love, we would not have forgiven you. Since our relationship is a different level though, we determined, although it pained us deeply, it was a forgivable mistake. With you and Jasper, there was no relationship, she just saw and used you as a tool."

There was a long silence. Sapphire was worried Pearl had shut down.

Pearl hugged her knees tighter, "You know what the worst about all of this is?" She didn't wait for a response, "I was so scared and angry, and desperate to get away from Jasper, but now that I am, I feel like I'm missing something because she's not here. Like an addiction or that human term," she looked up for a moment, "Stockholm Syndrome I think. Of course it shouldn't surprise me. Obsessive, idiotic love is my specialty. I mean Pink and Rose were always two different Gems to me, but to her, I was the same pearl she used to own, how could she have ever truly," Pearl trailed off again, "I don't want to talk anymore." Pearl laid on her side with her back to Ruby and Sapphire; she kept her legs pressed to her chest.

Ruby stood up, reaching out to Pearl, but Sapphire stopped her and shook her head. All of the futures she saw if they stayed ended badly.

"Very well," Sapphire stood, "we'll leave you alone again. Is it okay if we send Bismuth to check on you later?"

Pearl just mumbled, "Do whatever you think is best."

Sapphire and Ruby left Pearl's room and walked into the house.

The second the door was closed, Sapphire picked Ruby up, "Ruby, hold it in until we're outside, sand isn't flammable."

"I take it, it didn't go well?" Steven asked as he paused the video game he was playing with Amethyst to try to distract himself.

Sapphire walked towards the front door , still holding Ruby, who was holding her breath and shaking from containing her emotions, "Correct. And no, someone else talking to her will not help. Right now, all futures lead to Pearl withdrawing even more into herself if anyone else tries to talk with her. Bismuth has a small chance of getting through to her later tonight."

The screen door opened and closed behind them then iced over.

Steven returned half-heartedly to the video game he was playing with Amethyst. Bismuth stared at The Temple and tapped her foot.

Fifteen minutes later, Garnet walked into the house, "All right everyone, since we have some time, let's start tracking Jasper down. Pearl will be safe in The Temple since Jasper doesn't have access to any of the rooms. Amethyst, grab Peridot from the bathroom and see if she can come up with a machine to track Jasper, Steven, head to the Beta Kindergarten with Bismuth, it's unlikely Jasper is still there, but maybe you'll find some clues as to what she's up to. I'll be on my own."

Everyone nodded and sprang into action, and Garnet warped out.


	7. Chapter 7

Bismuth and Steven were the first ones to return back home. They didn't find any trace of Jasper as expected, but they did find signs that she had been there, taking bars from the old cages. Bismuth tried to keep Steven preoccupied so he wouldn't worry about Pearl too much. It was almost evening when the other Gems had returned. None of them had amazing luck or breakthroughs. They tried to guess Jasper's next move.

"Steven said Jasper collected Corruptions and Fusion Mutants before, maybe she's doing it again?" Bismuth suggested.

Garnet nodded, "That does seem likely, but where?"

Bismuth paused and glanced at Steven, "Peri, Amethyst, no luck with tracking her yet right?"

Peridot shook her head, "Not yet. Since Jasper didn't pilot the ship it's hard to get the necessary trace for the Warp Pad the way Pearl tracked me. We're hoping to get something off the core since she was launched into it during her fight with Garnet. The core also exploded though, so it is likely only a small piece, if any, survived so it will take a while to try to find it in the wreckage."

"Maybe Pearl would have an idea where Jasper was headed," Bismuth crossed her arms and looked at The Temple, "I mean, they split at some point. How else would Pearl have gotten the injuries she had when we rescued her?"

"But, Pearl would have told me when I visited Tiger's Eye's mind right before we found her," Steven said.

"I," Bismuth paused, "I suppose so kid," she smiled to reassure Steven.

Greg arrived to pick up Steven for the evening.

"Oh! Dad! You're early!" Steven grinned, "we can get going on preparations!"

Bismuth ruffled Steven's hair, "Hey yeah! Go with your dad and start getting all the Pearl Appreciation Day stuff ready. Just remember, I can't guarantee I'll be able to get her to come out tomorrow, but I'll try my best."

"Pearl Appreciation Day?" Amethyst asked.

"Yeah!" Steven chirped as he grabbed his backpack, "I thought we could have a day to remind Pearl how much she means to us. We can hang out on the beach, play music, clean the house, make tea, and just be together again!"

Amethyst bit her lip, "I don't know if she's gonna be ready yet bud."

Garnet placed a hand on Amethyst's shoulder, "Amethyst is right, but, it's a wonderful idea Steven. I'm changing your mission to preparations for Pearl Appreciation Day, have it on standby and we'll go forward with it once Pearl is ready."

Steven whooped, "Will do!" He practically shoved Greg out the door in excitement.

Once Steven was gone the mood shifted.

"Garnet," Bismuth looked at the fusion, "you saw the damage to Pearl's legs up close, well, Ruby did at least, but I just got a glimpse while we were fighting Tiger's Eye. Do you think she got them while stuck in that takeover, or do you think they were split and it was caused by that device Homeworld was so fond of during the war?"

Garnet's voice wavered slightly as she said, "There were clear puncture marks on her upper thighs, there's no doubt Jasper used a Form Breaker on her."

"What does that mean," Amethyst asked.

"It means Jasper took her to one of the dungeons and tortured her," Bismuth clenched her fists.

"Wait, that could be good then," Peridot exclaimed, "I mean, obviously not the Pearl being tortured part, but one of those dungeons would work as Jasper's base of operations, so if we could find them, we may find her."

"True," Garnet said, "but unfortunately the only dungeon we know the location of is Pink's and Rose and Sardonyx personally freed everyone there and reduced it to rubble."

"I might be able to find any prison Yellow and Blue had using the Drop Ship though," Peridot offered, "it's going to take a lot of work since the ship is so damaged and the tech is old, but it will be faster than trying to find a little tiny piece of the core that may not exist and then wait for Jasper to warp."

Garnet nodded, "Right now, it's the best shot we have. Amethyst, go with her in case she needs help. Bismuth, go ahead and talk to Pearl. I'm going to Pink's prison, just to make sure."

Bismuth watched the others warp out and then walked to The Temple's door. Her gem glowed and the representation of Pearl's gem blinked. She waited for Pearl to acknowledge the request to enter. Twenty seconds passed and Bismuth was about to give up and try again in fifteen minutes when the door opened. Bismuth walked in and saw Pearl sitting nearby at the edge of the pool, her feet dangling in the water. Bismuth sat next to Pearl, dunking her feet into the cool stream as well and placing her hand on the ground between them. She waited in silence, letting Pearl make the first move. 

After a few minutes, Pearl placed her hand on top of Bismuth's. Then Pearl lifted Bismuth's arm and scooted under it, pressing her side into Bismuth and resting her head on the larger Gem's shoulder. If she hadn't cried herself out already she would have started crying.

Bismuth squeezed Pearl and rested her head on Pearl's. She did start crying a little.

"How is everything going out there?" Pearl asked, her voice hoarse.

Bismuth sniffled, "Garnet is back. We have a few leads on Jasper's location we're pursuing, and Steven is planning what he's calling Pearl Appreciation Day for you."

Pearl briefly smiled, "That sounds like Steven. I suppose I do need to see him soon. When does he want to do Pearl Appreciation Day?"

"He'll be ready tomorrow if you are."

Pearl nodded, "Okay. I suppose I do have to leave my room eventually."

Bismuth gave her another squeeze, "That'll make him happy. All of us happy really."

"Sorry I've made all of you worry." Pearl grabbed one of Bismuth's fingers that was on her shoulder and squeezed.

"You do not have to be sorry for that," Bismuth asserted, "we're worried because we love you and something horrendous happened, and that was not your fault."

Silence again. Bismuth didn't mind though. She would sit there for eternity with Pearl if it was what she needed.

Pearl spoke again, "Y-you said you had leads in the search for Jasper…I-I might be able to narrow it down a bit for you," Pearl's voice was barely audible at the end of her sentence.

Bismuth kept her voice level even though nerves were suddenly knotting and tumbling in her stomach, "It could certainly help out, but you don't have to if you aren't ready. Garnet and I recognized the damage to your legs from the Form Breaker."

Bismuth felt Pearl stiffen and sit up straight, but she kept Bismuth's hand on her shoulder, "So you know Jasper took me to one of the dungeons and we split."

Bismuth nodded, "We figured she must have taken you there to try to torture you into being more submissive." Bismuth hoped being so blunt wouldn't be too much, but she also knew sometimes being blunt was the best tactic with this sort of thing.

"She did," Pearl squeaked, "although, not in the way expected. She didn't think of it as torture either. The damage to my body was just to subdue me until…" Pearl brought her knees up to her chest.

Bismuth felt Pearl shiver and cautiously asked, "What did she do to you Pearl?"

"Do you remember that device Larimar raved about when we got her back? The one that she said fractured her mind and forced her to speak and do things?" Pearl asked.

Bismuth's brows furrowed, "Yes, we thought it was just a delusion that her guilt from talking created. I mean, barely anything she said was rooted in reality at that point."

"I know," Pearl replied, "but, I can tell you that device does exist. It's even worse than what Larimar described too."

"What did she use it on you for? Is she planning on attacking us?" Bismuth tensed, if Jasper had forced all the weaknesses in their defenses out of Pearl, their next fight could go very badly.

Pearl shook her head, "No. She thought she could use it to bring us closer together. She thought she could create intimacy with it. While Malachite, Lapis and her often went back and forth hurting each other, Lapis in control. Eventually, Jasper's thoughts were twisted and she began to admire her. She thought it would be similar with me, except…when she found that wasn't working, she thought a different approach was needed."

Bismuth did not like the sound of that and clenched the fist in her lap.

Pearl started trembling, "S-she," Pearl took in air to soothe herself, "she used my memories of when Rose and I were close and what she knew of human intimacy. But, she didn't understand it, she confused the order of the physical and mental aspects. She couldn't comprehend having a choice. So she, she," Pearl let go of Bismuth's hand to cradle her knees, "she forced me to shapeshift and she –ugh- she, oh," Pearl huffed and closed her eyes tight, "she raped me!"

Pearl buried her face into her knees, not wanting to be seen. She was exhausted, but relieved she had gotten the truth out.

"Fucking shit," Bismuth cursed without thinking. She had braced herself to hear a lot of things, torture, pain, mental abuse, but she never even remotely expected to hear that. "I-I don't know what to say. That's such a human thing, we Gems don't have any context. I," Bismuth didn't stumble with words often and disliked the feeling. She pulled it together for Pearl, "I'm sorry that happened to you Pearl. That's just…fucking shit."

"P-please make sure Steven doesn't learn about that part. I didn't want him to be even close to knowing so I left the dungeon out all together."

Bismuth nodded, "Yeah, he's just a kid, he doesn't need to know. M-may I tell the others though? I honestly don't know how to help you with this and could use their input. I will respect your privacy though if you don't want me to."

Pearl thought, "You can tell them. I, I honestly don't know how to deal with this either, and it was hard enough to tell just you."

Bismuth nodded again, "Do you happen to remember anything about the dungeon? The color even? Peridot thinks she can get the locations from the Drop Ship, but any details can help us narrow it down, since we know Blue and Yellow had multiple prisons."

Pearl closed her eyes, then opened them again and shook her head, "She blindfolded me initially. At one point she removed it, but I was so focused on withdrawing from what was happening I wasn't really paying attention."

Bismuth nodded again, "Understandable."

Pearl’s brow knotted, "I, I think it was green though."

Bismuth tsked, "so it could be Blue's or Yellow's."

"Except," Pearl thought, "Jasper knew its location, she knew what devices were there. I think, I think she had been stationed there during the war."

"Do you know what Diamonds she served?" Bismuth asked.

Pearl nodded and relaxed her legs, "She only served Pink and Yellow Diamond."

Bismuth grinned and gave Pearl a reassuring squeeze, "Way to go Pearl, now we can at least eliminate half of the options."

"You really think she'll have gone back there?"

"We think she's collecting a Corrupted Army again, and that would be a good place for them."

Pearl chewed her lip, "She was sure I didn't recognize the dungeon too, so she may not suspect the location to be compromised."

Bismuth patted Pearl's back, "Alright, I need to go talk to the others, tell them to focus on Yellow Diamond's areas only. I'll be back after though. Unless," she looked closely at Pearl's expression to gauge the reaction, "you want to come with me?"

Pearl considered it, but shook her head, "I'm not ready yet. I would like your company again though, and I'll come out for Steven's thing tomorrow."

Bismuth smiled and gave her a long hug, then left into the house.

Garnet was waiting for her outside, "Any luck?"

Bismuth gave a thumbs up, "Got some good news, and some really shit news. Important thing is she did talk to me and I have a better idea where Jasper is."

"Nice work," Garnet gave Bismuth a playful jab and grinned, "You always did have a gift for supporting your fellow Gems. So what all did you learn?"

****

Garnet was at as much loss as Bismuth about helping Pearl heal from what happened in the dungeon. As usual, her face betrayed little emotion, but Bismuth saw how tightly she had her arms crossed and how tense her stance was. Garnet decided to start broad sweeps of the areas Yellow controlled during the war. She knew it was slim chance of producing results, but she had to do something.

Bismuth told Peridot to focus on just Yellow's prison, and look for the main one since such a device was unlikely to be in a lower security hold, although she didn’t tell her the specifics of what happened. She trusted the little green Gem, but didn’t think her expertise would offer any help in the more gnawing issue on Bismuth’s mind. 

Bismuth also pulled Amethyst off to the side, hoping since she'd always lived on Earth she would have some idea. 

Amethyst was shocked, "Shit, that's just…shit. I mean, I don't know any particular thing either. I've certainly had consensual romps with humans over the years, and heard  _ that _ would happen, but…shit. I guess just be there for her? Remind her even though we may not know exactly what she's feeling she isn't alone?"

Bismuth thanked Amethyst and went to see Steven. She was feeling more than a little discouraged, but she did her best to enthusiastically announce that Pearl Appreciation Day was a go. Talking to the kid brightened her mood. She was still getting used to the times he sounded like Rose, but for the most part, being around him always cheered her up. Bismuth also debated pulling Greg off to the side and getting his input, but she felt that may be pushing Pearl's permission since he was human and they hadn't always gotten along. It was more of a human thing though. Bismuth shook her head thinking about it. Next time she saw Jasper, she was going to punch that quartz right in the face.

Bismuth returned to The Temple, satisfied that at least the task of finding Jasper was progressing. Pearl let her in almost immediately when she requested. Pearl was at the tallest fountain in her room, surrounded by swords. She had one sword in her hands and was cleaning it. 

Once Bismuth was closer, she recognized all of the swords, "These are..." she scanned the collection again, "all of the swords I ever made for you. You kept them?"

Without breaking from her task, Pearl replied, "Of course. They're precious to me."

Bismuth felt her face flush. She saw the very first swords she had ever made for Pearl, a simple pair of double-edges straight swords. Bismuth hadn't mastered the finesse of weapon-making yet so it looked exactly like one of the swords Pearl had received from a human, "Oh wow, you even kept those? Hardly my finest work."

Pearl grinned for a second, "I suppose not, but they remain my favorites. I even keep them in my gem and use them to train Connie. There's a certain nostalgia to them, a familiarity in my hand, and the memory of how amazing it felt when I started winning more spars than losing. Or at least, they did feel that way."

Bismuth raised an eyebrow, "They don't anymore?"

Pearl placed the sword she had been cleaning down, "No. Although, it isn't exactly the sword I suppose. It's," she looked at her own hands, "everything just feels a little wrong. Like these aren't my hands anymore. Like this isn't my body anymore," she sighed heavily, "I don't know. Maybe tomorrow, things will feel different."

Bismuth fought back tears as Pearl looked at her and smile. The smile seemed genuine, but her eyes were hollow and distant.

"Y-yeah doll, new day, new start and all that."


	8. Chapter 8

Steven was excitedly mopping the floor while Amethyst and Bismuth washed the dishes and Garnet folded laundry. They had already dusted the entire house, including the rafters, vacuumed the floor, couch, and Warp Pad, cleaned the windows, and worked on the bathroom until it sparkled. Peridot was still at the ship looking for the locations of Yellow Diamond’s prisons. Once the house was clean, Steven was going to assemble the picnic and Bismuth would get Pearl and Pearl Appreciation Day would be in full swing.

Everyone was surprised when The Temple door made its familiar high-pitched hum as the door opened and Pearl stepped out.

“Pearl! We’re not ready for you yet!” Steven fretted.

“O-oh, uh, okay,” Pearl turned and stepped back into her room.

Before the door closed Steven dropped the mop and yelled, “WAIT!”

Pearl jolted to a stop and looked back just in time to brace herself as the boy ran and jumped to smother her in a bear hug. He squeezed her torso tight, wrapped his legs around her waist, and pressed his face into her shoulder, “I really, really missed you Pearl.”

Pearl’s body stiffened, still on edge after her mental representation withstood months of beatings and unwanted attention. She stood rigid, her arms spread away from her torso and blinked a few times. Pearl realized this was the first in-person interaction Steven and her had since Jasper had taken her. She wrapped Steven in an equally strong hug, “I missed you too.”

Pearl felt her shoulder become wet from tears, “Oh Steven,” she moved her hands to support Steven as he pushed back a little and wiped away his tears.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to cry, I’m just so happy you’re back home. We’ll be ready for you soon and then we can have a bunch of fun!” He hugged her again and then moved to be set down.

Pearl did her best to smile as she placed him back on the ground and nodded, “Looking forward to it.”

Steven skipped back into the house and to the mop and Pearl closed the door. 

It hadn’t been easy to convince herself to go outside and she was a little disoriented now that she was going to have to do it again. The house did look nice though, and she appreciated all of their efforts. Suddenly, Pearl’s skin crawled, aching and cowering at the same time as she thought of how Jasper was out there looking for her still. She hugged herself and sighed, “Come on Pearl, get it together. The others will keep you safe and it will be a nice day. Nothing could possibly go wrong.”

/

Greg had joined them on the beach after the picnic and was strumming on his guitar when Peridot came running up to them with the news that Jasper was back at the Drop Ship. They decided it would be their best chance to capture Jasper and left, leaving Pearl, Steven and Greg on the beach. 

Steven looked at his phone and smiled, “Connie said she should be here with Lion in about an hour!” He reached for something but didn’t find it, “Oh! I left my ukulele on my bed, hold on, I’ll be right back,” Steven started running back to the house.

“We’ll be here Schtu-ball,” Greg smiled.

Pearl sighed in relief, letting her expression go neutral and wrapping her arms around herself to keep from fidgeting. She was happy she had only drank tea out of the thermos during the picnic since her stomach felt liable to spill its contents at any moment. In her head she kept telling herself it would all be over soon. There was no way Jasper could beat or get away from all of them. The others would come back with Jasper in a bubble in no time at all. Then life could go back to normal and time would allow her body to forget what it felt like to be Tiger’s Eye.

“Pearl? Hey, Pearl, are you okay?”

Pearl heard Greg and snapped out of her head, “Oh, s-sorry, I just,” Pearl’s voice caught in her throat as tears started stinging her eyes so she stopped trying to speak.

Greg gently rested a hand on Pearl’s shoulder, “Hey, I know we’ve only more recently become friends and Gem stuff is a mystery to me, but if you need someone to talk to, I’m always here for you Pearl.”

Pearl couldn’t stop her tears and nodded, “T-thank you,” she covered her mouth so a sob wouldn’t escape and wiped away her tears so fast she almost poked her own eye.

“It’s alright to cry if you need to,” Greg went back to strumming his guitar.

Pearl shook her head, “I’m tired of crying. It feels like the only thing I’ve done for the past few days is sit and cry.”

“You’ve had a rough few months, it makes sense. I know crying all the time can be pretty exhausting though. You, uh, you really don’t have to fake a smile for our benefit by the way.”

Pearl blushed, “Is it that obvious?”

Greg shrugged, “To us at least. Your eyes give it away. I don’t think any of the townspeople or a stranger would be able to tell, but we’re closer than that.”

Pearl sighed, “So much for trying to stop being such a burden.”

Greg frowned, “We’re your family, even if helping you through this was something we considered a burden, we would bare it happily. We all love you.”

Pearl stiffened, then relaxed and laughed at her own reaction, “Right, I suppose I forgot what it’s like to be safe with others.”

Greg was going to ask what she meant when the familiar clang of Steven’s shield rang from out of sight. Both Greg and Pearl leapt to their feet and Pearl summoned her spear as they ran towards the sound. They came to a screeching halt when they saw Jasper holding an unconscious Steven in one of her hands.

“J-jasper,” Pearl stuttered, “unhand him!”

When Jasper turned and looked at her, Pearl shuddered. There was this wild hunger in her eyes, like she was running purely on instinct and desire, passion, and frenzy.

“There you are,” Jasper dropped Steven, “I’ve been watching, listening, waiting for the perfect time to take you back.”

Pearl stepped back, bumping into Greg, and her spear dematerialized even though she hadn’t thought to store it.

Greg stepped in front of Pearl protectively, he had never seen her so rattled and he had no idea what he could possibly do, but he wasn’t about to stand by and do nothing, “Jasper, Pearl doesn’t want to go with you, so just, uh, leave us alone…please?”

“Alone,” Jasper repeated, her eyes glazed over, “so alone, don’t want to be, can’t be, won’t be.” She summoned her helmet and charged.

Pearl tried to summon her spear but found she couldn’t. It was like she had forgotten how to. She grabbed Greg and leapt the side. Pearl hissed as Jasper’s claws raked her back. She rolled with Greg and crouched in front of him, facing Jasper. She could feel a tug towards her, she didn’t want to be Tiger’s Eye, but her body had gotten used to it, was feeling incomplete without her. The starving look in Jasper’s golden eyes and pinpoint pupils made Pearl think the quartz not only shared this feeling, but must be consumed by it.

“Jasper, snap out of it,” Pearl tried to calm her shaking hands, “I know your time on Earth has been nothing but unpleasant, and that your entire life feels like a lie knowing that Pink Diamond was Rose Quartz, I know you’ve always had other gems beating you down and controlling you so doing the same to others seems fair, and I know your body is screaming it’s incomplete because we’re separate and you’re craving that closeness and power, but, but,” Pearl fought tears, “please, you weren’t happy as Tiger’s Eye, neither of us were. Just, stand down, maybe we can work something out, maybe we can-”

“All my life, I’ve been told what I should or shouldn’t feel, what I should or shouldn’t do, NO MORE!” Jasper roared and charged.

Pearl still couldn’t summon her spear and out of desperation, she pulled the pair of swords Bismuth made for her so long ago during the rebellion. This time, the smooth leather in her hand and the glint of the sun off the blades reminded her of confidence and days of glory, “Grab Steven,” she told Greg. Then, Pearl took a deep breath and shot forward obliquely to meet Jasper.

They exchanged a flurry of blows, cuts and bruises formed on both fighters like patchwork on a tattered piece of cloth. Pearl’s technical skills were keeping her in the fight, but she could feel the difference in their strength threatening to turn the tide at any moment. She had fought many jaspers and other quartz soldiers that loomed over her, they had all been stronger than her, but they had also underestimated her. Jasper was not, and Jasper was much stronger than any other of her gem Pearl had fought, truly the perfect soldier Homeworld desired to make every time they implanted a quartz in the ground.

Pearl saw an opening and quickly brought both swords down with the intention of slicing clean through Jasper’s form and forcing her to retreat to her gem. Jasper’s reflexes saved her, she jerked her helmet up and powerful legs sprang from a crouched position after Pearl had almost knocked her over completely. Pearl froze in horror as the blades shattered on impact with Jasper’s helmet. Then all she saw was orange as Jasper’s helmet slammed into her face. 

Her jaw and nose throbbed and her head was jerked back with such force she felt pain in her neck. She was disoriented from the force of the blow but tried to leap backwards. A clawed hand caught her, easily enveloping her entire face and her gem. Nails gouged into her flesh to hold her in place as blow after blow crushed into her body. Pearl tried to protect her torso with her arms and made a few attempts to kick Jasper but only connected with air. 

The damage was building up and she was on the verge of having to release her form when suddenly the hand let her go. There was the crunch of metal bending, the screech of tires, and the revving of an engine. Pearl looked up and saw that Greg had desperately driven the van into Jasper and pushed her several feet away, but Jasper now held the vehicle in place and was pulling her arm back to attack.

Pearl tried to force herself to her feet, but her body was sluggish from injury. Her arms nearly collapsed under her from defensive wounds. She saw the broken remains of her swords and the world felt like it was crashing down on her. Her face grew hot and there was a thundering whoosh pounding in her ears as she thought, “ _ I’m not strong enough, no matter how hard I fight, I can’t win _ .”

The screech of metal grinding against metal and broken glass snapped her back into the moment and she saw Jasper easily punch Greg’s van upside down and skidding. Pearl willed her legs to move, she took two step towards the vehicle before Jasper pinned her into the sand. Greg scrambled out of the van, scraped and bleeding, but no broken bones this time.

Pearl reached out to Greg as claws pierced her back. Then she could only scream as her body was ripped into its light form and merging with Jasper’s. The takeover was as excruciating as the first, but the duration of the pain was much shorter. Their thoughts started to merge, “ _ I’m not strong enough, I’ve failed my mission, I’m useless on my own, I’m alone. _ ” Pearl stopped being able to tell which feelings were her’s or Jasper’s until she felt there was no Pearl, or Jasper, only Tiger’s Eye.

Greg ran in horror towards where he had left Steven before he had brashly charged at Jasper with the van. He scooped up his child in his arms and cried, the sound of Pearl screaming still echoing in his ears. Tiger’s Eye formed, the light glitching three times before solidifying. Her back set of legs were Jasper’s, the front were Pearl’s legs, and she now only had two arms that were medium in their build. Pearl’s nose was gone from her face and she only had one mouth with an uneven mixture of fangs and blunt teeth that caused a crooked under-bite. She still had four eyes and a mane of white, wild hair with pink stripes. There was no expression on her face.

Greg shuddered, all four eyes were dull and stuck in a dead stare, like she was unconscious on her feet. Spots of turquoise and horns suddenly burst from her chest and almost engulfed her, but stopped before the corruption overcame the entire form. Without a word, Tiger’s Eye turned and walked into the ocean, stumbling due to the combined damage from her components.


	9. Chapter 9

Bismuth barreled through the door the second the Warp Pad landed them in the house. They hadn’t expected Jasper to have laid a trap for them at the Drop Ship. Quartz soldiers weren’t taught how to operate ships like that, but Jasper had enough residual memory from Pearl she was able to trap them in a large room filled with Corruptions she had brought in gem form and released. They had all barely gotten out with their forms intact and they rushed back home as soon as they could. Amethyst and Garnet were barely on their feet after forming Sugilite to fight the majority of the Corruptions and break them free, but they followed as fast as they could, fueled by adrenaline.

Bismuth landed on the beach where she saw Greg’s van overturned, “Greg! Steven! Pearl!”

She frantically looked around and a glint of light caught her eye from shards of two swords she knew very well, “No, no! Pearl, PEARL!”

The other three finally caught up with Bismuth. Garnet went over to Greg’s van but found it empty.

“We’re too late aren’t we,” Amethyst said and fell to her knees, completely out of energy.

Bismuth jumped into the air as high as she could to survey the area but saw nothing else of interest. Desperately she yelled as loud as her form could, “PEARL!” Silence answered her as she fell back down to the earth.

“Come on Gems, into the ocean,” Garnet ordered, “Tiger’s Eye escaped that way last time and it’s likely she did again,” the fusion took a step forward but her legs faltered as exhaustion caught up.

“It’s no good,” Bismuth said and kneeled, collecting the remnants of Pearl’s swords, “we all know the ocean is too big, we would just be spinning our wheels, and you two are running on empty as it is. We need to find out what happened to Greg and Steven, confirm Jasper took Pearl, make sure they’re okay.”

“Agreed,” Peridot said hesitantly and then her arms flailed as she animatedly added, “perhaps Pearl _did_ escape, she is rather resourceful. By the looks of the state of this primitive transportation vehicle there was certainly a struggle as well, we clearly require additional information before we can efficiently decide on our next course of action.”

“Steven probably has his phone, let’s call him and see where he’s at,” Amethyst suggested, “Vidalia will let us use her phone I’m sure.”

The group slogged to Vidalia’s house in silence, all lost in thought, defeated, and exhausted. They tried to cling to the hope that maybe Pearl really did get away, and they tried to not think of why Steven and Greg weren’t around. Vidalia had a million questions, but she read the mood and knew better than to ask, she let them use the phone, said if they needed anything else to just let her know, and went into the garage to give them their privacy.

Greg answered Steven’s phone and let them know they were at the hospital but thankfully would be discharged soon. Greg had called Connie the second Tiger’s Eye was gone and he had snapped out of his shock. Connie used Lion to get them and bring them to her mother at the hospital. Steven had taken a nasty blow to the head, but was recovering faster than any human thanks to his being half Gem. He had woken up and only had a mild concussion not too long after they had gotten to the hospital. Greg also confirmed that Pearl had been taken, but they would discuss more once they were home.

Dr. Maheswarhan was reluctant to release Steven, but he didn’t show any sign of worsening condition, and his healing was exceptional. Had he been a human child she likely would have kept him overnight for observation, but Greg wanted to get him home and he was half-magic. She let him go under the condition Connie would stay with them to get her immediately if Steven had any issues. Since Steven didn’t show any signs of a brain bleed and he was absolutely exhausted, Greg tucked him into bed as soon as Lion warped them home. He told Connie to watch over him while he talked with the Gems. They went out to the porch and he relayed everything that happened, fighting tears near the end.

“Wait,” Amethyst shot up from the lawn chair she was laying on after Greg had finished speaking, “you’re sure you saw teal and horns sprouting over Tiger’s Eye?”

Greg nodded, “Yes, I had never seen anything like it before, even on you gals.”

“But that’s,” Amethyst bit her lip, “that’s what it looked like when Jasper started to corrupt. Does that mean,” she trailed off.

Garnet had her arms crossed and gripped her biceps tight, “Steven’s healing didn’t work all the way. Now Tiger’s Eye…” she paused, then let her arms drop to her side and look up at the dancing colors of dusk, “and likely Pearl are Corrupted.”

“So even if we get her back, we might not actually get P-” Bismuth started to say but her voice caught in her throat.

They all remained outside in silence until the sun had set.

Finally, Garnet looked at her teammates again, “No matter what, we can’t leave Pearl trapped with Jasper, and we can’t leave Tiger’s Eye roam, we need a plan to search the ocean and find her, and this time,” she emphasized each word, “we are not letting Jasper get away.”

/

Pearl found herself again confused and uncertain about what was happening, a feeling she had become too familiar with in recent times. Her arms were immobilized behind her again and she somewhat recognized her surroundings, but things were different. The orange glow of the Tiger's Eye Mindscape was directly above her but the rest of the dome was dark and distorted. When she focused on these sections she could see flickers of memories, most of them Jasper's. She had this odd sensation in her chest, like something was boiling inside her but also compressed to the size of a pebble, “What is this?”

“We're almost Corrupted,” Jasper appeared behind her.

“Wh-what? This is corruption?”

“Not exactly, right now I'm holding it off, but if it takes over it will just feel like almost nothing, there's more awareness than being bubbled, but you're just a shell, fueled by rage and confusion.”

Pearl looked at the familiar chains binding her to Jasper, “Please, Jasper, let me go before Corruption spreads to me!”

Jasper shook her head, “I won't let that happen, it's weaker now, I can control it.”

Pearl realized Jasper was holding it off, but she wasn't unaffected. There were dots and small horns scattered across Jasper’s manifestation. Pearl could sense more of Jasper's feelings as well. Corruption had already started to gnaw away at the range of her emotions and there was this emptiness Pearl wasn’t entirely sure she would ever be able to put to words. There was also this drive, unyielding and unwavering, to complete a goal, a mission, but Pearl didn't know what that mission would be. It was all surface emotions though, and she remained cut off from any deeper thought.

“So,” Pearl gulped, “what exactly is your plan this time?” She shuddered as Jasper’s hand rested on the side of her face.

“Going home is no longer an option. I’m stuck here, forever, and I’m not going to be alone.”

“You don’t have to be! Jasper please, I don’t want to be with you, not like this. We can try to work something out, the others will give you a chance if I ask them, we’ll be separated and it will be different, but with work and some difficulty, maybe we can be friends. It won’t be easy, but it will be better eventually.”

“No,” Jasper’s jaw tightened, “You are likely lying, and I won’t risk it. You’ll get used to this. I’ll break you back into your role and then everything will be better.”

Pearl felt something inside of Jasper grow cold and her resolve hardened. Pearl steeled herself, “I will never break. Homeworld didn’t break me back when they forced Pink to send me for reconditioning and you won’t be any more successful. I am stronger than you.”

“Are you trying to convince me, or yourself?” Jasper sneered.

“I don’t have to convince myself, I already know,” Pearl squared off with Jasper, but felt a tremble in her hand betraying her, “Besides, my fellow Crystal Gems will find me, just like they did before.”

Jasper laughed, “Sure they will, here, let me give you a hint for the next time Steven visits.”

Thick arms wrapped around Pearl’s small frame as they moved to the outside level. Everything was pitch black, darkness so thick Pearl couldn’t even make out their own hands. She could feel water all around them though.

“Welcome to the depths of your precious Earth’s ocean. We’re so far down not even light from this system’s star can reach us.”

Pearl activated her gem as a flashlight but there was only wave after wave of nothing. Even the ground they stood on was without discernible features, just a thick layer of organic muck that had settled from higher up oozing around their feet. A few lifeforms, sharks and crabs, drew near, curious about the light and the new arrival, but they continued meandering on once they determined that Tiger's Eye was not a new source of food. Pearl suddenly felt like something was crushing, pressing against their form and she wasn’t sure if it was from the immense pressure at this depth or how trapped she felt.

Jasper pulled Pearl back down to The Mindscape, except this time she was chained completely, suspended a few inches off the ground, her arms and legs spread in an “X” like her form was about to be quartered. Jasper was pooling memories from both of their experiences of reconditioning.

“Jasper, please-”

A hard slap cracked against Pearl’s jaw, “You are a pearl, you are not to speak unless ordered to or addressed directly,” Jasper repeated the rule mechanically.

“It’s not too late, we can still-” another slap, harder than the first and Jasper repeated the rule. “Jasper, just stop and-” Jasper hit Pearl’s face with a closed fist this time.

As Jasper repeated the rule Pearl Shouted, “Shut up! I will not be silenced, I will not let my voice grow idle-” an uppercut to her jaw forced Pearl’s mouth shut and caused her to bite her own tongue. Pearl kept going, “I will not acquiesce, I will not-”

Jasper held a hand over Pearl’s mouth and sighed,“You aren’t going to make this easy are you?”

Jasper let go and Pearl ranted. The quartz undid the sash at Pearl’s waist, and moved behind Pearl, keeping the sash pressed against the star on Pearl’s shirt with one hand. Jasper re-positioned so she had one arm on each of Pearl’s shoulders.

Jasper tied a thick knot in the center of Pearl’s sash as the this Gem rambled on. Jasper rammed the knot into Pearl’s mouth, then tied it tightly around the back of her head. Pearl gagged and choked as the fabric pressed her tongue into her mouth. She willed the sash to dissipate and continued berating Jasper. Jasper groaned, grabbed the bottom of the pale Gem’s jaw and unhinged it with a crack. Pearl jerked against her chains from the pain.

Jasper materialized her own fabric, knotted it, and fastened it the same way to Pearl’s now broken mouth. Pearl squeezed her eyes shut from the pressure and burning in her jaw, but she refused to let herself regret speaking out.

“Now I have to punish you,” Jasper punched Pearl in the back, the chains rattled and dug into Pearl’s wrists and ankles. Jasper focused on the memories of the agates that reconditioned her and the agate that reconditioned Pearl so much that Pearl could see their images superimposed over Jasper as she worked Pearl over.

The entire time, Jasper chanted, “You are a pearl, you are not your own Gem, you are not a true Gem. You are made to follow orders, you are made to obey. They pain you feel is your own fault, you are defective. This pain will polish you, correct you, make you a true pearl again.”

A routine formed over time. Jasper would beat Pearl while repeating the mantra, and then leave her in the isolation of the deteriorating dome. Flexible as Pearl’s form was, it didn’t prevent her shoulders and hips from aching at being strung up. She reached for the relief of the ground, which was so infuriatingly close and yet too far.

After a while, Jasper undid the gag. Pearl tried to close her mouth, her jaw was stiff from healing wrong so she couldn’t manage it completely. She licked her lips and started with a hoarse whisper, “I am my own Gem. I have a will of my own-”

The gag was replaced and two heavy blows rammed into her stomach.

Jasper lifted Pearl’s face by her hair and stared into her eyes, “You’re being stubborn. We’ll have to escalate. I wonder, when did you feel most powerless,” Pearl cringed as she felt the large Gem probing her mind and plucking the memory she wanted, “ah yes, in the dungeon when I hooked you up to that device. You weren’t supposed to just feel powerless, but I can work with that if it's what it takes. I will not falter from my mission, you will submit to me and we will truly be together as Tiger's Eye and everything will be better.”

Jasper recreated the device and hooked her mind up to Pearl’s. She ordered Pearl to shift accordingly, changed her own form, and eased the chains up just enough so she could tilt Pearl’s hips more horizontal and towards her, “You are nothing but a pearl, and you will be used as I see fit.” Jasper used Pearl and the device to pleasure herself and Pearl’s unwilling manifestation as she had in the dungeon. This was added to the routine and time continued to trudge forwards, each step another test of Pearl's fading will.

  
  
  



	10. Chapter 10

Steven stared at his reflection, face covered in shaving cream since his facial hair was now coming in full swing. He had another dream about Pearl last night. In the past year and a half he had a lot of these dreams. Corruption prevented him from fully getting into Tiger’s Eye’s mind, but he could still weakly connect with Pearl. They couldn’t speak since Pearl was gagged, and Steven found Pearl couldn’t really see him and he couldn’t really interact with things, but the way she turned into him or smiled sometimes when he did his best to comfort her with words of encouragement or a hug he thought she could at least hear him and vaguely sense his presence.

Steven remembered the months where his voice was changing and it kept cracking. She smiled a little and then teared up, but she also even managed a choked laugh through the gag when he made a joke about it. Most of the time, he could only reach her when Jasper wasn’t focused on her and had left her in isolation. Peridot suggested as the source of the Corruption, Jasper would cause the most interference with Steven’s abilities. Steven didn’t mind keeping Pearl company though, but he did wish he could undo the chains and get rid of  
the gag.

Ever so often, he would be able to connect when Jasper was still there, usually right before she would leave. Steven could never reach Jasper though, so he would just focus on Pearl, often times they would end up crying together as he floated so he could wrap his arms around her and rest his chin on her shoulder and she would lean her face into his. Through these moments he realized Pearl also actively tried to keep him out when Jasper was there, but was too exhausted to be successful all the time.

When he talked to the other Gems about how Jasper had Pearl bound and was beating her and saying horrible things they told him about reconditioning on Homeworld. Pain and structure to force a Gem back into the facet cut for her. The way Bismuth seemed harrowed by her own reconditioning experience and how uncomfortable Garnet was when she talked about a fellow ruby that had been through the process Steven could understand why Pearl wanted to protect him from that.

Then one time Jasper was doing something else to Pearl. Steven had frozen in shock and then woken up. Steven immediately ran to his dad’s van even though it was almost two in the morning. He had been so upset it took fifteen minutes for him to calm down enough to tell his dad what he saw. Greg had been so horrified he had to get out of the van and empty his stomach in the bushes, then he was able to compose himself enough to console his son.

Steven was able to reconnect with Pearl a few hours later, and she was thankfully alone. He couldn’t think of what to say, but he saw her hand reach out to roughly where she felt his presence, so he hugged her like he usually did. She had sobbed and kept her face buried in his hair for a long time. That was all Steven had been able to do though, comfort Pearl from afar.

They had all dedicated their energy to trying to find her the first few months after Jasper took her the second time. Then they had to start focusing on other things, Corruptions, Gem Mutants, and magic artifacts. Bismuth refused any other mission. She would be gone for weeks at a time, scouring as much of the world as she could. Peridot successfully located all of the Diamond’s prisons and the team cleared them all of the Corruptions trapped there since the war and destroyed the structures to piles of rubble. Since then, Peridot had been trying to develop a scanner to detect a Gem anywhere on Earth, but with human tech and old Gem tech she’d only been able to accomplish a range of two hundred feet.

Steven finished shaving and packed a bag. Bismuth had been there a few days to rest and check on the status of Peridot’s invention, but she was heading back that day. Steven was  
determined to go with her this time. When he connected with Pearl last night things had changed drastically. He found her lying on the floor with her arms chained behind her back and she no longer had a gag.

Steven wasn’t entirely sure if that meant Jasper had given up on reconditioning, or if she  
had broken Pearl. Pearl was out of it, she didn’t even react when Steven kneeled down next to her and placed his hand on her shoulder.

“Hey Pearl, good to see you aren’t as chained up and you’re free to talk again.”

Pearl teared up, “Steven, have to protect, oh, he’s seen more than I wanted and I haven’t been there for him. He’s growing up without me, missing so much, stuck, can’t…”

Steven squeezed her shoulder gently, “Hey, it’s okay Pearl, it’s not your fault.”

“I’m never going to be free, no, I won’t give up, can’t give up. I am my own Gem. I have a will of my own, I belong to no one.”

“R-right, don’t give up Pearl, we’re still looking for you, we will find you, do you know where you are on Earth Pearl?”

“No light, nothing. The depths, crushed by the deep, a dark abyss. Trapped, crushed,” she pulled her knees up to her chest and sobbed. Pearl didn’t respond to any other question so Steven just laid next to her, hugging her; he filled her in on his life since the last time he saw her and told her how strong and amazing she is and that they would come for her and she wouldn’t be trapped forever.

“She’s still in the ocean,” Steven announced as he stood next to Bismuth, level with her gem now since his recent growth spurt,“Really far down though. Probably farther than I can go because of the pressure, and it’s completely dark. Jasper doesn’t have her chained up as much and has taken the gag off, but Pearl’s...not fully conscious. I was able to get her to respond to a few things though, and maybe I can learn more next time I connect, so I’m going with you.”

Bismuth took a silent moment to process all the information Steven had just relayed and then nodded. They were on the ocean for two weeks before Steven had to give up and go home.

/

The last time Jasper had visited she removed the gag and Pearl remained silent. Pearl hadn’t meant to do this, she was just so withdrawn into herself she hadn’t even realized Jasper was there. It wasn’t until she felt Steven, a welcomed presence that fueled her continued rebellion, that she realized she was on the ground instead of suspended in the air. She hated that instead of protecting him, he was protecting her, but he had also been her only source of kindness through everything, and it was the last string to her sanity she had been able to cling to.

Everything was a haze, the distant distortion of Corruption from Jasper was becoming louder, a whisper that was now a swarm of voices, every single memory Jasper had played out in a few seconds on repeat, drowning Pearl’s senses. A clarity washed over Pearl suddenly. She was sitting up now, her back pressed against Jasper’s back. Her hands were still bound behind her, and chains were also wrapped around both her torso and Jasper, pressing them as close together as possible.

“You’ve released that which bound me previously,” Pearl stated.

“It wasn’t working,” Jasper replied after a beat, “you didn’t fear me like you were supposed to, no matter how I escalated.”

“You escalated and escalated and now the only thing is death, there is nothing left you can do to make me fear you, and there is nothing you haven’t done.”

“Am I a monster?”

“You are the product of a cycle of violence you have refused to break.”

“So what I have done is excusable?”

“No. What you have done has reasons, but there is no excuse. You have wronged me, violated me, tortured me, you are not in the right.”

Silence.

“There is one more thing than death,” Jasper whispered.

Pearl snorted, anger boiling in her stomach like bile looking to erupt out of her, “did you even listen to a word I said?”

“I did,” Jasper smiled and closed her eyes, “you’re right, there is a cycle. It can’t be broken though, and you aren’t as above it as you think you sanctimonious little bitch.”

Before Pearl could respond, Jasper was gone. There was a moment where Pearl felt absolutely nothing, and then the pebble in her chest since she had first been trapped in Tiger’s Eye this time exploded. Jasper had let Corruption consume Tiger’s Eye, and it was infecting Pearl.

Steven had healed Corruption considerably, and the Corruption was weaker than normal anyway since it had been passed from takeover to takeover. To Jasper, there was nothing, just instinct and rage. To Pearl it was different though. Now every second of Jasper’s life, and her own, were screaming as loud as possible all at once. It was overwhelming, and she was already exhausted. Her body had been beaten, her sense of pride destroyed, her sense of security fucked to oblivion, and now, the last bit of her sanity had to withstand the jackhammer of chaos from Jasper’s desperate decision.

She struggled to stay afloat of the screaming desperation of their lives. She heard new screams, unfamiliar to both of them, and felt air whipping around their wet skin.

“I just want to go home,” she thought, “please, let’s go home.”

To her, home was the Temple on the beach of Beach City, to Jasper, it was the depths of the oceans. Their desire pooled, and they returned to the sea, not as far down as they had been, but still surrounded by salt water and despair.


	11. Chapter 11

Steven stared at the TV in Connie's parent's living room where he had paused it on a newsreel. It had happened while they were all on Homeworld. Bismuth was busy rebuilding the house and keeping Lapis and Peridot's gems safe until they reformed so she didn't know when it had happened either. A giant Corruption had come out of the ocean and almost leveled a highly populated city. It was being reported as one of the deadliest disasters in human history. Speculations on what the creature was ran rampant and reports of other Corruption sightings from the past came pouring in.

Steven knew exactly who it was. He recognized the blue spikes, the long clawed orange legs, and the powerful, fanged lower jaw, even though it was mixed with white, teal, and peach feathers and scales, giant wings, a long tail and neck and a slender head and upper jaw. That part of the Corruption reminded him of a dinosaur Connie had told him about once, the Archaeoptryx. Even if Steven hadn't recognized features of the creature, the two gems on its face, a pearl and a jasper, left no room for doubt.

Steven had been wondering why he hadn't been able to contact Pearl the past five months, and now he knew. She had been Corrupted. He kept thinking how unfair it was, after everything Pearl had gone through already, now she had suffered through Corruption, too. Steven clenched his fists in his lap. At least she wasn't corrupted now, he reminded himself.

Steven’s visit to Homeworld had been mostly successful. He had cut a deal. It was the best option he had at the time, but he wasn't completely satisfied with it. The Diamonds had agreed to heal Corruption, and with White's help, it worked. They had played a song from space that covered the entire planet and even reached the gems in bubbles. It was one of Steven's happiest and proudest moments. The Crystal Gems and any who wanted were allowed to stay on Earth, and the Gems still loyal to Homeworld had been allowed to leave, but now they were quarantined. They would be allowed to live there with only minimum check-ins from Blue and Yellow.

Steven had also been allowed to liberate the human zoo. The Zoomans had ultimately decided to stay on the outpost since it was the only home they knew and they didn't want to leave, but they were allowed access to all of it now. The Famethyst was given more freedom. Holly Blue Agate had agreed to abandon corporal punishment and stay to run the station. Both her and Jay would send them separate reports on how things were going, and they would be allowed to visit every few months.

It really wasn't the worst deal, he had gotten a lot of what he wanted. The only thing was he had to agree to not interfere with Homeworld's activity and not leave the star system. He wasn't sure he was going to be able to keep that promise. Yellow and Blue were starting to warm up to him and were at least try to understand his point of view, but they were still tyrants, and they were still going to continue enforcing a rigid caste system and wiping out entire species to keep making new gems and gain more resources. He couldn't condone that. There were also The Off Colors that would eventually make it to Earth, and all of the Off Colors still living in fear for their lives on Homeworld and all the Gem controlled colonies.

Steven sighed and looked at the image of the Corrupted Tiger's Eye, "First things first," he said to himself. Connie came in from the kitchen with two plates of food her dad had made for them. She looked at the TV as she placed the food down and then moved her hand on his back, "Worried about Pearl?"

Steven nodded, "I want her home. She deserves to be free, and I want her safe. I want to reunite her with the Crystal Gems, all of them, and I want Jasper in a bubble, where she can't hurt anyone else. The past couple of weeks on Homeworld allowed me to learn a lot more control over some of my abilities. So tomorrow, I'm going into Tiger's Eye's mind and I'm not leaving until I know where they are. Garnet is busy getting all the new Gems settled, but I'm sure she'll make time for this."

"Okay," Connie gave him a kiss on the cheek, "I'll help too. She's my mentor after all."

Steven smiled, "Thanks Connie, I swear one of these days we'll go on a normal date though."

Connie chuckled, "Pfft, I knew what I was getting in to when I asked you out, besides, I think we would get bored on a normal date at this point."

\

Pearl felt like she was floating in nothing. Since Corruption she had been permanently stuck in the In Between. She had learned how to focus on bits and pieces of her life as they ran through her head. There was no rhyme or reason to the order, and many were unpleasant memories, but it was better than everything at once or the screeching mess of Jasper's life that plagued her otherwise.

Pearl remembered sparring with Amethyst not too long before Rose met Greg. A glint off a chunk of a broken glass bottle caught her eye and gave her an unexpected flashback of the war. Amethyst hadn't noticed Pearl had frozen up and was already mid-attack. Amethyst's whip slapped Pearl back to reality as it hit her in the face; she fell backwards into the sand.

"Oh shit! Sorry P." Amethyst rushed over, "I thought for sure you were going to dodge that one. Are you okay?"

Pearl groaned and sat up with her hand to her face, "I'm fine, was just blinded for a second. Good form with your attack though. I'll have to -agh!" Her form glitched.

Amethyst grabbed Pearl's forehead, "Ah! I cracked your gem! I didn't think I hit you that hard! Shit, we gotta go get Rose."

"Amethyst calm down," she gingerly felt her gem, there was a thin but long crack, "you really didn't hit me that hard, pearls just aren't that sturdy. We don't need Rose for this though, she's out with Blake and there is no reason to bother her. Would you mind helping me warp to Rose's Fountain though? The Warp Pad can be a little unpredictable with a cracked gem."

"Yeah, of course," Amethyst grabbed Pearl's hand and pulled her over to the Warp Pad. Amethyst didn't let go until Pearl was safely by the fountain. Pearl cupped her hands together and lowered her gem into the water in her hands.

Her gem glowed and she sighed in relief, "There all better, and we didn't have to bother Rose while she was out on her date."

Amethyst sat on the edge of the fountain next to Pearl, swinging her legs, "You're really okay with that?"

"Oh yes, Rose's healing spring is just as effective as the actual tears she cries, my gem is good as new."

"No I meant, well, I'm glad about that, but like, you're really okay with Rose going on dates with someone else?"

"Oh, well, Rose and I aren't dating so it's fine. Besides, humans don't even live that long anyway."

"I know you two aren't official, but come on P. My room connects with yours, I know she visits you a lot when she doesn't have a human and then almost never goes to see you when she does. And she does love you, and you obviously love her, and I accidentally once discovered you get naughty sometimes -"

"Amethyst! You spied on us?" Pearl stomped one foot and crossed her arms.

"Accidentally! I was bored on the beach and thought you were alone in your room so I went to say hi and then you were NOT alone. That's not the point though, it seriously doesn't bother you that she's all into you when she's alone and then she drops you the second some dude catches her eye?"

Pearl shrugged, "She loves humans. I'm not human and I can't fulfill that desire. Besides, they can never last, they age too quickly. She's still a constant in my life."

The memory changed to when Rose was pregnant and due any day. Pearl looked again to make sure they were alone on the beach, "Rose, I-" her hands started to raise to her mouth so she broke off. She wanted to try to ask Rose to overturn her last order to her as Pink Diamond. She had found new thoughts and feelings she hadn't been able to express since Rose had gleefully announced she would be giving up her form to have a child. Rose had been so excited she hadn't even considered the grief she would put everyone through. Pearl thought how selfish she was, and of course a Diamond wouldn't think of anything except her own wants. How could she leave, after everything they had gone through together, for a human whose lifespan would be nothing more than a second in their lifespan? How could she even leave Greg to deal with the child alone?

"Pearl please," Rose said, "I know this is hard for you, and you don't want me to go, but this is what Greg and I want, can't you respect that?"

Pearl placed a hand on Rose's swollen belly and she realized Rose thought this was just another conversation where Pearl tried to talk her out of having a baby.

"R-rose," she managed to start, thinking carefully how to word what she wanted to say, "isn't there something, maybe you could…" Pearl felt her fingers twitch, "in case something happens with Homeworld once you're gone, I'll be the only one that… _ knows _ ."

Rose frowned and backed away, "Homeworld has left us alone for thousands of years, there's no reason that would change."

"Rose, please!"

"No! Pearl, you've been fine all this time, just because I'm leaving won't make a difference."

Pearl wanted to scream she wasn't fine though, and hadn't been, but the twitches in her hands and arms warned her she wouldn't be able to so she just choked out, "please."

Rose turned away, "No, it's unnecessary and that's final."

Rose started walking away. Since she wasn't facing Pearl, she didn't see as slender white fingers slammed hard against Pearl's mouth and tears fell from her eyes as she tried to yell, "It is necessary, this has been eating away at me since everyone was Corrupted because of what we did, what  _ I _ did!"

That was the last conversation she had with Rose. Pearl had gone off on a solo mission going after a Corruption that had recently evaded them and caused her to reform. She was nearly shattered trying to take the beast down on her own, and as she sent the gem in a bubble back to The Temple she wondered if maybe she had hoped it would have. Then she returned home and found Garnet and Amethyst, glum with the news that Rose was gone. She hadn't said a single word, just sat down on the Warp Pad.

Exhaustion washed over Pearl and a cluster of memories overwhelmed her, baby Steven grabbing her nose like he usually did and struggling to say her name, which ended up being his first word, finding Amethyst on a rock in the kindergarten, alone and lost but excitedly zipping around her and asking her a million questions, grabbing Sapphire's gem on the battlefield after Garnet had lost a fight and the blue Gem had been stabbed in the belly, screaming Bismuth's name in the aftermath of the Battle for the Ziggurat, desperate to try to find her. She was whipped around in the torrent, desperate to try to cling to one memory at a time again, but unable to. Her memories played faster and faster until they were nothing but static. All she felt was she was lost, confused, and angry.

Then there was a sound, a song, which seemed both familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. She swore she heard Rose and Steven call her name, and then everything was completely quiet. She was back in the In Between and everything was still. The Corruption was gone. Pearl scrambled to take control of Tiger's Eye, but Jasper pulled her down to The Mindscape. Pearl's hands were now chained in front of her instead of behind and she used this to her advantage. They were both exhausted, and neither said a word, they just struggled, tugging each other back and forth until they were both so worn out they were on the ground, unable to fight anymore.

Then Steven was there. He picked her up without hesitation and gave a quick healing kiss to her gem, "Come on Pearl, it's time to get you home."

Jasper lunged but Steven formed a bubble around them. It started cracking under desperate clawed strikes from Jasper. Pearl felt a small surge of energy she had gained from Steven and focused. She was in complete control of Tiger's Eye, and Steven was still with her. She felt Jasper dragging her down, but it was just a light tug.

"You're still in the ocean, but you're not so far down," Steven noted, "hurry, get to the surface and see if there is anything that can tell me where you are so we can come get you if I get kicked out."

Pearl ran Tiger's Eye to the surface of the water. When they broke through the sun seemed too bright, the colors too vibrant, the smells too pungent, the taste of the sea air too salty. Jasper used Pearl's overwhelmed senses against her. Pearl felt Steven reassuring her as he was forced out of their mind, "Pearl, I know it's a lot, but look! You're close to The Temple, lead Tiger's Eye home, we'll be waiting there to split you two up!"

Pearl saw Steven was right, The Temple wasn't too far away off in the distance, they must have been drawn there like so many other Corruptions.

Tiger's Eye thrashed and stumbled as Pearl and Jasper both vied for control. When they got the sand of the beach on the side of The Temple Pearl started feeling her grasp slip away. Anger welled up from inside of her and she didn't hold it back. Tiger's Eye's arms started pushing against her chest, trying to force herself apart, "NO! I WON'T! LET ME GO!" Pearl's voice yelled over Jasper's. Their body turned to light and started losing its form and they continued fighting despite the agonizing burn that coursed through both of them.

Their gems cracked almost all the way through as their bodies separated with a burst of energy that kicked up sand and water. Pearl felt gemmed hands on her, one hand cradling her head and the other at the bend of her knees. Garnet pulled her close and yelled for Steven as she landed as softly in the sand as she could, careful to not cause a single jolt. Pearl watched as Jasper's eyes locked onto hers. Then Bismuth's axe cut Jasper in half and the rainbow haired Gem bubbled the cracked quartz and looked at Pearl, her brows furrowed with worry. Pearl saw Steven running up to her, licking his hand, but everything was fading as she was succumbing to fatigue with a smile, knowing she was safe.


	12. Chapter 12

Pearl opened her eyes and saw an unfamiliar ceiling. There was a lot of noises, voices, shuffling, footsteps, but they were distant and muffled by the walls. She just laid completely still for a while. She didn’t feel anything, she didn’t want anything, she couldn’t even really think anything. She focused on the sounds in the distance, trying to recognize the voices, but she had little success. She thought maybe one voice was Garnet.

Pearl sat up and paused as she saw her arms and legs. Brown stripes and markings, the exact same placement and shape as Jasper’s red ones, were on her body, a sharp contrast against her pale skin. Pearl looked around the room, it was similar to the house Steven lived in at The Temple, but she didn’t recognize it. She scanned the room for a mirror but didn’t find one. Now with a purpose, Pearl ventured outside into a long hallway. She saw an open door a little ways down that looked like a bathroom.

Pearl turned on the light as she walked into the bathroom and froze as she saw her reflection. She had all of Jasper’s stripes, the one on her face the same dark brown, but then turned into a white stripe in her hair. Her hair was almost her normal style, except slightly longer like she wore it in the eighties, and she had a few pieces that stuck up near the top of her head. Her right eye was normal and light blue, but her left was yellow with a black pupil. Outside of that, she was herself. She remembered being cracked, but she was still wearing the same teal and yellow outfit and she didn’t remember having to retreat to her gem, so she didn’t think this was a reformation.

“Oh,” a familiar voice said from the door, “good to see you up and on your feet.”

Pearl nodded slowly and glanced at Bismuth, “G-good to be back. How,” she frowned at her reflection again before turning her full attention to her rainbow-haired friend, “how long was I unconscious?”

“Almost three months, we were starting to worry you would never wake up again,” Bismuth reached her hand out cautiously.

Pearl paused and then welcomed the contact, the size difference between them allowing her entire hand to fit into Bismuth’s palm. Pearl felt herself grounded again by the physical contact with a trusted comrade.

Without realizing it, Pearl let out a heavy sigh. She stared at her now dark brown hand as she asked, “How long was I Tiger’s Eye this time?” 

“Two years,” Bismuth replied and fought back tears, “and judging by when Steven lost contact with you you were completely Corrupted for about five of those months. Do you,” she paused, “remember any of that?”

Pearl closed her eyes, “Vaguely, we were partially Corrupted the entire time, and it was weak, so I was able to fight it a little. Mostly it was just a flood of memories, screaming, glimpses of the ocean, then...almost nothing, a few feelings, that is, until there was a song and the Corruption was gone.”

Bismuth nodded, “Yellow and Blue Diamond came, Steven was able to show them Pink was never shattered and he worked out a deal with Homeworld. Healed Corruption and Earth belongs to humans and the Crystal Gems.”

“Oh, that’s what it was,” Pearl responded, “so everyone is back?”

Bismuth grinned, “Yeah! The whole crew, Biggs, Snowflake, Crazy Lace, everyone! It’s been nuts, settling everyone in, restoring old buildings and settling the moon for more space, oh yeah, what do you think of the new part of the house? I added this hallway and the rooms while restoring the house after it was destroyed in the Diamond attack, gives us all more space, although I thought it was just gonna be for me and Peridot and maybe Greg sometimes,” Bismuth laughed.

Pearl looked around, “Oh, that explains it, the house certainly was getting a little crowded, it looks nice Bis.”

There was a long silence.

“How are you feeling,” Bismuth asked.

Pearl frowned, opened her mouth, closed it, then opened it again, “Honestly?” She shook her head, “I don’t know. I really just...don’t know. Is Jasper still?”

“Cracked and in a bubble in The Temple,” Bismuth replied.

Pearl nodded and removed her hand so she could look at it closer, “I saw her falling, she looked...normal, she didn’t have,” she gestured to her face and crossed her arms, “anything like this. So why do I - why do I have her stripes, her eye, and this streak in my hair? I don’t remember retreating to my gem, I certainly didn’t consciously choose this to be my form, so why?”

Bismuth sighed, “I don’t know Pearl. Maybe it’s just a temporary side effect from being stuck in the takeover so long? Or, well,”

“Well what?”

Bismuth fidgetted, “Maybe it’s a scar, this thing humans get when they get hurt really bad.”

“Meaning this is permanent,” Pearl clenched her jaw.

“Maybe, but maybe not, only time will tell Triple B, but hey, you’re home, you’re safe, and all our old friends are back, too. It’ll take time, but, things will be better again.”

Pearl looked down the hall towards where the sounds she heard when she woke up were coming from, “I take it there are visitors over?”

Bismuth chuckled, “We pretty much always have visitors now, this is the main Crystal Gem hub after all. I even had to add walls to Steven’s room upstairs so the poor kid could get some privacy.”

“Oh,” Pearl’s voice was flat, “I suppose things have really changed around here.”

“Y-yeah,” Bismuth couldn’t hold back a sob anymore, tears streamed down her face and her breath shuddered, “s-sorry, I promised myself I wouldn’t cry.”

Pearl snapped out of her head for a moment, she placed one hand on Bismuth’s arm while the other brushed away tears, “I didn’t mean to upset you Bis, I’m glad to be back, I really am happy, I know I’m not showing it but I’m trying, I just-”

“Oh, Pearl, Pearl,” Bismuth sniffled and pulled Pearl into a quick hug, then pulled back so she could look at slender Gem’s face, “it’s not that at all. I just, I looked for you almost non-stop, I had to take breaks here and there and rebuild the house, but outside of that I was just searching and searching and I felt like I couldn’t relax until I found you and you were safe again, and then you were here but you were in that, what did Connie call it, coma I think, and we thought we had been too late, that you had cracked too badly, that you would never wake up, but you did, you’re here and back and I just, I know you’re probably in turmoil and feel like absolute shit after the Hell you’ve been through, but I’m so relieved you’re finally with us again.”

Pearl thought she should be feeling something, or do something, comfort Bismuth, reassure her, something, but the flash of emotions had been fleeting and she was numb again, disconnected. “I, I can’t think of what to say Bismuth. I-if it helps, Steven’s visits and thinking about you and Garnet and Amethyst is what helped me push through all the reconditioning and...other things Jasper did to me. I have to admit, I thought of you more frequently, strong, reliable, passionate, I told myself you and the others would come for me. I used to imagine the rescue, I always pictured you punching Jasper in the face before poofing her to be honest,” Pearl felt a small smile on her face.

Bismuth laughed, “Shoot I forgot that I had sworn I would clock Jasper the next time I saw her. That had been my plan,” Bismuth gave Pearl’s arm a light, reassuring squeeze, “you certainly know me well don’t you?”

Garnet’s voice came from down the hall, “Hey Bis, we’re ready to head to the Moon to-” the fusion stopped when she saw Pearl and removed her glasses to reveal three eyes tearing up, “Pearl, you’re awake.” 

Pearl nodded and stepped fully into the hallway in front of Bismuth. Emotions swept over Garnet, stronger than she could contain as she usually did. She ran over to Pearl and scooped her into a hug that lifted Pearl off her feet. Pearl was slow to react, but she returned the embrace, burying her face into Garnet’s shoulder, letting herself feel safe as she felt Garnet’s gems pressed into her back.

Pearl heard footfalls and opened her eyes to see Steven and Amethyst running to join them.

“Pearl! You’re awake!”

Pearl let go of Garnet and embraced Steven, surprised he was the same height as her now, “Oh, Steven! I knew you had grown, but I had no idea you would be this much taller.”

They broke their embrace and Steven puffed out his chest and put his hands on his hips, “Yep, I’ve really been growing this year. Soon I’ll be taller than dad!”

“And me,” Pearl added.

Amethyst shuffled closer and Pearl leaned down and gave her a hug too. Amethyst blushed and whispered in her ear, “Welcome home sis.”

Pearl wasn’t sure how to react so she squeezed her tighter and said, “Thank you.”

They all went to the bedroom Pearl had woken up in, one of the guest rooms Bismuth had added. They all chatted briefly, welcoming Pearl home. They did have a mission to go on though, building new places for Crystal Gem’s to live in on the Moon. Steven suggested they should reschedule, but Pearl insisted they don’t, she needed some time alone anyway.

They reluctantly left Pearl at her request. Once they were gone she laid back down and did nothing. There was nothing she particular she thought about, there was nothing particular she felt. She didn’t cry, she didn’t rage, she just, laid there. Cat Steven came and curled up on her stomach. Pearl looked at the one-eye calico for a moment, listening and feeling her purr as she settled and drifted off to sleep.

“I’m home,” she whispered, not sure if she was telling the cat or herself, “now what?”


	13. Chapter 13

Pearl watched light flit in through the closed window slats, then fade to darkness and return again. There was a constant thrum of sound in the main part of the house. She distinctively heard Biggs' booming laugh at one point. Pearl blinked and thought she should go greet her, but she didn't move. Light faded again. Cat Steven returned and slept on her chest again. Eventually, Pearl fell asleep too.

One of Jasper's memories played out in Pearl's dream, the red of the battlefield, the flames and smoke, the smell of burnt flesh from the humans caught in the cross fire as clear as when she had lived through it. There were four enemies in front of Jasper, faceless shadows. She called for back up and looked behind her, only to see sneers on her comrades faces, they retreated, leaving her to the descending shadows. The ground cracked and swallowed her, chants of you're a worthless gem, and you don't belong echoed through the bottomless pit. Jasper's form glitched and was replaced with Pearl's as she plummeted into the ocean, “Not even a real gem, just a pearl,” the voice of White's agate, who had reconditioned her so long ago boomed. The nightmare shifted.

Pearl walked uncertainly behind Pink Diamond. White Diamond had traded pearls with her after the pink skinned pearl had mouthed off at a guest at Pink's last ball. White had ordered that she was to make Pink happy and be a sensible voice to balance Pink Diamond. It had been a confusing order. She was used to White taking over her form and using her to remotely complete tasks or working independently by following White's orders to the tee without ever questioning them. Yet this order to make a diamond happy was vague, and how could she, a pearl, be more sensible than a diamond?

So far Pink had only been angry or sad, despite Pearl's best efforts to follow orders and keep a smile on her face. They were in the hallways near the amethyst's barracks, heading back to Pink's room. Pink was ranting about how the other diamonds never let her do anything of importance. How they treated her like she was lesser than them and thought she was so simple that they could keep her content and on a leash with a different pearl. Without looking back at her Pink said, “Like this pearl could ever replace my pearl, my pearl was different, you're just like the rest of them, I could say, 'I order you to stand at this spot and don't move until I say otherwise' and you would do it...”

“Yes my Diamond,” Pearl mechanically replied as the pull to follow orders kicked in and her feet halted. Pink kept going. Pearl stood and waited. And waited. An agate came and ordered the amethysts out of their barracks and into training. Pearl was in the way. It took all of her will power to remain in the spot as amethyst after amethyst hit her. Pain splintered into her shoulder and chest as the troop passed. Pearl closed her eyes, determined to keep to her order and stay in that spot. The last amethyst was big, even for an amethyst, when her body clipped Pearl's, Pearl lost her balance, she fell backwards, landing hard on the ground.

Pearl jolted awake with a gasp, shooting to a sitting position. Cat Steven protested as she landed on her feet on the floor. Pearl cut off what was no doubt a projection of the nightmare she had just woken from and clenched her teeth. She looked around, it was daytime again. There were still distant voices. She shifted so her feet touched the ground but didn't stand up. Cat Steven licked her paw, then mewed and wandered out of the room. Pearl thought about laying down again, but she didn't want to risk falling asleep.

“I suppose I can't just lay in bed for all eternity,” she mused to herself.

A few minutes passed. She took in a deep breath and stood quickly, determined to march out into the main room and see when the others were going to get back from the Moon. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror as passed the bathroom. Her steps faltered as she thought of everyone looking at her. They knew what she used to look like. Would they know? Would they ask questions, offer her their pity, stare at the ground in awkward discomfort? She stopped at the hallway door that separated the guest rooms from the main house and leaned her back against the wood.

She could hear the conversation now.

Biggs was first to speak, “They certainly have been gone for a bit huh? I mean, Rose's kid usually comes in at night to do that whole sleep thing.”

A gruff voice, a rose quartz nicknamed Stomps because of how loudly she walked replied, “Don'cha mean Pink Diamond's son?”

Snowflake's quiet admonition came, “Don't start that again Stomps.”

Stomps scoffed, “Fine. I'm sure everything is fine on the Moon. Just as boring as things are here.”

Biggs' voice got louder as walked closer to the door, “It's called peace Stomps, you may have that quartz burning for the fight still blazin' in ya, but I for one, am quite content.”

“Worried about Pearl still?” Snowflake asked.

Biggs sighed, “Yeah, of course I am. You all saw her when they brought her in from the beach. Then she's just been out, and now she's awake but none of us have seen her still.”

“Poor thing didn't stand a chance,” Stomps said.

There was a pause, then Biggs spoke, her voice quiet, “The fuck do you mean by that Stomps?”

Stomps scoffed again, “Oh c'mon, I know she's bad ass for a pearl, but still, it was a perfectly formed jasper versus a pearl, _a pearl_ , there is no way she was gonna win a battle of brute strength. She didn't stand a chance. Now if that jasper had tried to take over me or one of you, pfft, she would have had a hell of a fight then. Would have been a fair showdown.”

“You don't what the fuck you're saying,” Biggs growled.

“Aw don't be like that Biggs. Look, she's a strong pearl, but the facts are a quartz gem is made for strength and fighting and pearls are made to be meek and serve. She has pushed her limits, but strength is still outside her element.”

Pearl felt far away from her body. All of her thoughts to march into the room were dashed and she fought the urge to slump to the ground and collapse in on herself.

“Shut up Stomps,” Snowflake and Biggs said at the same time.

“Look she'll be fine,” Stomps kept going, “sure it sounds like take over is unpleasant for a gem like us, but she's not like us. I bet she ended up liking it. Fulfilling her purpose to serve another gem again, being needed, not having to go against her programming and make decisions. And we all know she had a thing for big, beefy-”

“Stomps,” Biggs' voice was farther away again and with a bite of aggression that cut the air.

“Oh, c'mon, she's even chosen to take on Jasper's stripes on her form, that pearl definitely fell for her captor. I bet she's in their sulking because-”

There was a pounding in Pearl's ears so loud she couldn't hear any more of the conversation. She heard the voices from her nightmare, “Don't belong, not even a real gem, just a pearl.”

Pearl walked back into the room, drew the blinds, and opened the window. She didn't see another gem, just a more secluded part of the beach. She jumped and landed soundlessly in the sand.

Pearl started walking. She didn't have a particular destination in mind, nor was she paying attention to where she was going anyway. She was caught in her head, her thoughts revving too fast to be coherent except for one, “I'm not strong enough.” The sound of a high-pitched bell snapped Pearl back to reality. She was in Funland and someone had just hit the Strength Test hard enough to ring it.

“Ma'am, are you okay?” A voice behind her spoke, but she kept staring at the bell.

“Ma'am?”

Pearl heard the shuffling of a chair against wood and turned to see she was in front of a booth and Mr. Smiley had just stood up.

“Oh, is that you Pearl? Don't see you around Funland too often. Did you get separated from Steven or something? I haven't seen him today.”

Pearl opened her mouth and managed to get out, “I-I'm fine.”

A small TV off to the side of where Mr. Smiley was sitting caught her attention. It was muted, but she could see pictures of devastation and as a female news anchor spoke a headline ran below her, “Death Toll rises to 7.2 million in aftermath of the Monster Attack.”

She frowned, “There was an attack?”

“Hm?” Mr. Smiley looked at the TV, “Oh, yeah, tragic business. You know those creatures we have problems with here sometimes you Crystal Gems take care of? Well, one bigger than any I had ever seen just rose up out of the ocean one day and destroyed a city on the other side of the world. Was the most populated city in the whole world. Terrible thing. They're still finding bodies in the rubble all these months later, probably will find more.”

Pearl's skin started to crawl, and the sounds of laughter and happy screams from Funland began to fade.

Mr. Smiley continued, “Steven told me not to worry about it and that all of those monsters are gone for good now, but I can't help but be a little unsettled. Guess we have the evacuation plan and you lot to rely on. No one got hurt when those giant hands came last time after all...”

A picture came up on the TV screen of the giant corruption that had leveled the city.

The thundering booms of crumbling concrete, the shriek of distorting metal, and the panic screams of millions of humans filled Pearl's ears. She could feel ash stinging her eyes and scorching her throat. She could see plumes of black and grey smoke billowing about her. She could feel the buildings crumbling in her claws. Fighter jets barraged her with missiles but she batted them out of the sky with her tail and screeched. The sun was a distorted red stain in the sky, the particles of dust refracting the light.

“Pearl? Pearl! PEARL! Snap out of it doll!” A voice cut through as a large Gem gave her a light shake.

Pearl blinked, she was staring directly at Bismuth, the sun setting behind her. She was almost waist deep in the ocean, far from Funland. She wasn't sure how she had gotten there. Pearl clenched her teeth and looked at the water as she gently grabbed Bismuth's forearms. Bismuth's hands gripped her slender shoulders firmly.

“Hey, welcome back. How about we go back to the shore. I think you've been trapped in the ocean long enough, don't you?”

Pearl felt Bismuth trying to gently turn her around but Pearl stayed rooted to the spot.

“I remember,” Pearl choked out, “I couldn't before but I saw the pictures and it just all came back.”

Bismuth paused, “I'm not sure what you're talking about Pearl, but-”

“We killed all of those people,” Pearl cut Bismuth off, still staring at the water, “7.2 million and climbing.”

There was silence, and then Bismuth let out a heavy sigh, “C'mon, let's get to the shore, we can talk more there alright? We are awfully close to the end of this coastal shelf and I really don't think being at the bottom of the ocean is a good idea.”

Pearl looked at Bismuth's face and nodded, “I don't even know why I was heading towards it. I was at the house and I overheard Stomps and I just had to get out of there, and then I was at Funland and I saw the news and just...” she trailed off and let herself be turned around this time.

Bismuth sighed again and gave Pearl a gentle nudge forwards, “When we finally tracked down Lion and came back home we saw the damage to the house Biggs told us what Stomps said. Then I found you gone and the window open and I was worried you must have heard, but I hoped you hadn't. Don't take what she said seriously, you know how Stomps is, even the other rose quartz from her facet don't like her because of how insensitive and mean-spirited she can be.”

“Damage to the house?” Pearl asked.

“Oh, uh yeah, she riled Snowflake up, and you know her temper, usually ice cold, but once it's tripped it's an avalanche. She hit Stomps right through one of the windows and through the railing. Was still wailing on her when Biggs caught up and pulled her off.”

“I didn't hear that part, I must have left before then,” exhaustion soaked into Pearl's legs as they walked through the sand of the shore.

Pearl stopped and collapsed to her knees, the sand sticking to her wet clothes and skin. Pearl cradled her face with both of her hands. Bismuth sat down next to her and wrapped an arm around Pearl. Pearl leaned into her.

“Maybe she was right,” Pearl's voice was muffled in her hands so she moved them to hug herself instead, “I know she's right about me not being strong enough. That much is apparent. But maybe a part of me gave into Jasper, accepted her, maybe that's why she was able to hold us together and maybe that is why I have some of her features still. The way she was able to force pleasure out of my body,” a sob gurgled in Pearl's throat and a hand covered her mouth as she squeezed her eyes shut to hold back tears.

“Hey, hey, c'mon Pearl, you are one of the strongest Gems I know. And you did pull away from Jasper remember? _You_ broke out of Tiger's Eye with _your_ willpower once you got to the beach. And, sometimes our bodies react in ways we don't want, like reflexes, that doesn't mean it's how you feel though, it's just an automatic function, a hardwired response to a physical stimulus.”

Pearl was quiet. She watched the waves crash in on themselves and the sky changing colors as the Sun dipped lower into the horizon.

“Ya know, the others are worried about you too, how about we go home?”

Pearl shook her head, “I don't belong there.”

“What? Of course you do?”

“No, I don't,” Pearl asserted, “I'm a monster. How can I call myself a Crystal Gem anymore? We're supposed to protect this planet and the life on it, not destroy part of it and kill millions. I'm a ruined Gem.”

Bismuth gave her a light squeeze and thought carefully about what to say, “I have a feeling right now no matter what I say I'm not going to be able to change your mind on that...but I don't think that about you. I think you're as much of a Crystal Gem as ever, and the only monster around are those harsh thoughts in your head and the past. What's most important though, is you are not alone Pearl. I'm here for you, and you have the support of a lot of other Gems, and humans, and a half-Gem. And we aren't turning our backs on you.”

Pearl shook her head, “you shouldn't waste your time on me.”

Bismuth shrugged, “I've got nothing else planned, and besides, I never consider time spent with you a waste.”

Pearl looked up and saw Bismuth wink as a grin spread across her entire face.

Pearl couldn't help a small smile, “Incorrigible as ever Bismuth. I suppose we're at an impasse then,” she rested her head on Bismuth's shoulder.

They remained there as the Sun disappeared and the stars slowly blinked into sight until the sky was full of them.

“Once,” Pearl broke the silence, “recently after I was given to Pink Diamond, she accidentally ordered me to stand in the middle of the hallway. I was in the way and eventually I was knocked out of the spot. It was the first time I ever cried, and the first time I ever even thought to question the validity of an order.”

“That's horrible,” Bismuth shifted her arm that was around Pearl since it had fallen asleep.

“Eventually Pink realized what happened and came back for me. She found me still on the floor where I had fallen, fully expecting her to order my shattering since I had failed. But she didn't. She fell to her knees and scooped me up into her arms and apologized. I was shocked to say the least. I tried to tell her she had nothing to be sorry about, I was the one at fault, she had given an order and I had failed to carry it out. She insisted she was the one who was wrong, that she had let her emotions get the best of her, that she had misplaced her anger and hurt at the other diamonds for taking her first pearl, her friend, and was unjustly taking it out on me.”

Pearl placed a hand on Bismuth's thigh and looked up at her face, “Maybe, maybe I'm doing something similar. Misplacing my feelings towards Jasper and taking them out on myself. Maybe...maybe I just need to let it go.”

Bismuth placed a light kiss on Pearl's gem, Pearl contained a flinch and gave Bismuth's thigh a squeeze.

“I think you're right doll. It's going to be easier said then done, and it's gonna take time, but I know you're strong, and determined enough to do it. Plus, you have plenty of friends to help you when you want it.”

Tears welled and steadily streamed down Pearl's face without a sound. Pearl moved her hand and rested it on Bismuth's gem, “Thank you. I think I'm ready to go home now.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Going forwards and backwards. A tense encounter on the beach.

Biggs and Snowflake were waiting in the house when Bismuth and Pearl warped in.

They both jumped to their feet and said in unison, “Pearl!”

Pearl saw the broken window, a tarp temporarily keeping the house sealed. She felt tears form in her eyes and choked out, “it's good to have you two back.”

Bismuth placed a reassuring hand on Pearl's back. Biggs and Snowflake got closer, motioning for a hug but then uncertain. Pearl closed the gap and wrapped her arms around Biggs, then Snowflake. Pearl wiped away her tears as she pulled away, “I-it's been so long.”

Biggs and Snowflake snuggled into each other's side. Biggs suddenly started sobbing, “Sorry, I told myself not to cry but we've been so worried about you Pearl.”

Pearl grabbed her own elbow, “Well, I'd be lying if I said I was fine I suppose. Work in progress may be a better way to put it. Sorry I didn't come welcome you back sooner. I just...couldn't get out of bed. Then I overheard Stomps and...” she trailed off.

Biggs scowled, “Fucking Stomps, sometimes that Gem is a tarnish to the reputation of the Crystal Gems.”

Snowflake looked at the tarp, “I do feel a little bad about losing it with her. She was very much in the wrong, but that doesn't mean I should have punched her...multiple times.”

Biggs scoffed, “I wouldn't feel bad about it if I were you. She was being an ass hole. I mean, she didn't know Pearl was listening and she didn't know how close it was hitting for you, but that doesn't make it any better.”

Pearl frowned, “How close it was hitting for you?”

Biggs blushed and then looked carefully at Snowflake's face for a reaction, “S-sorry honey.”

“No, no,” Snowflake gave Biggs a squeeze, “of everyone Pearl can understand the most, and I trust Bis of course too.”

Bismuth frowned too, “What happened?”

Snowflake paused, “While I was Corrupted, I don't really remember much. None of us really do. We've all had some lasting damage, vague images, confusion, this animalistic rage that will come out of nowhere sometimes. There is one memory I have that is quite strong though. Jasper taking over my form at the Beta kindergarten to fight a fusion I now know was Smoky Quartz.”

Pearl gasped and her hands flew to her mouth.

“I know it is no where near the same level as what you went through, but when Stomps was going off on how if Jasper had tried that on a quartz it would have been different like it was a question of strength and somehow our fault I just...she doesn't know what it was like. What it felt like to be ripped apart and trapped like that, and how invasive it was.”

Pearl hugged Snowflake again, “It doesn't matter whose experience was worse or not Snowflake, it's still a horrible thing and I'm so sorry it happened to you.”

Snowflake started crying and wrapped her arms around Pearl, “I- I can't help but feel like it was ultimately my fault you were Corrupted too. Jasper was only Corrupted because of me after all.”

Pearl shook her head, “Like you said yourself, it wasn't your fault it's...the blame is on Jasper. You didn't have a choice in what happened.”

Snowflake pulled away and wiped tears from her face, “You aren't to blame either.”

Pearl looked at the floor and then forced herself to nod, still fighting the urge to beat herself up, “R-right, and Stomps was definitely wrong about me...enjoying being trapped as Tiger's Eye. That take over was a lot of things, but it wasn't pleasant for either of us. Jasper was desperate and in pain too, and I can't help but feel a little sorry for her...and part of me even wanted to help her, but,” Pearl wrapped her arms around herself, “she was just too far gone. She wouldn't let go of wanting to remain Tiger's Eye, and I never let go of wanting my freedom again.”

Snowflake placed her hands on Pearl's shoulders, “You're so strong, it never ceases to amaze me. Jasper only took me over for a minute or so, and tried to take over again, but it was so painful it just...haunts me. I can't fathom being stuck like that for years.”

Pearl looked up finally at Snowflake's face, and managed a grin, “It's not going to be easy to move on. That's for certain. Like Bismuth keeps reminding me though,” she glanced back at the rainbow haired gem and reached for her, “I have plenty of friends to help me through it.”

Biggs grabbed Bismuth and pulled them all into a group hug, “That's right, we're always here for you. We are the Crystal Gems, we fight for ourselves, we fight for each other, and we're stronger than the entire universe because of it!”

“Stronger together, invincible to all!” Bismuth added and squeezed everyone.

Pearl chuckled, “Where is everyone else by the way? Garnet, Steven, and Amethyst?”

“Oh,” Bismuth let go, “they're still out looking for you and probably worried. Hold on, they gave me something called a cell phone to contact them with if I found you.”

Steven, Amethyst and Garnet all warped in within a minute of receiving a group text from Bismuth that she had found Pearl and brought her back to the house. There was more hugging and crying. Steven struggled to stay awake since he had barely slept on the Moon after Lion had decided to wander off for a nap and then he had been frantically searching for Pearl. He didn't want to go to sleep though, scared that when he woke up Pearl would be gone again. He finally relented after Pearl promised she would still be there when he woke up and she agreed to tuck him into bed like she used to.

Right before he laid down he buried his face into Pearl's shoulder and started sobbing, delirious from sleep deprivation, “I've missed you so much.”

Pearl wrapped her thin arms around Steven and gently rocked, “I've missed you too Steven. I'm home though. Again, I promise I will still be here when you wake up, okay?”

“It hasn't been the same without you,” Steven continued, “I know Rose was my mom, but, but, the way you take care of me, and teach me stuff, I've always thought of you as my mom too. Not having you around, knowing what Jasper was doing to you and not being able to help was so,” he started crying harder.

“Steven I,” Pearl's voice caught in her throat, forcing her to start her sentence again, “Steven, you helped me plenty. I wish I had been able to protect you more from...seeing certain things, but your kindness, your company,” she gently cradled his face with her hands and lifted it so they were making eye contact, “it was integral for me to hold on and keep fighting. You did much more for me than you're giving yourself credit for. I know if Rose was here she would be so incredibly proud of you, I know I certainly am.”

Steven smiled and placed his forehead on Pearl's gem, “Thanks Pearl. I can't wait to show you all the cool new places we've built and things we've done.”

“I look forward to it,” Pearl smiled, then gently pushed Steven away, “but right now,” she used her mom voice on and feigned strictness by placing hands on her hips, “it is way passed your bedtime young man, so time to go to sleep.”

Steven laughed and fake whined, “Fiiiiiiine,” then wiggled under the covers.

Pearl tucked him in and kissed his forehead, then looked back as she reached his room door and turned off the light, “Good night Steven.”

He didn't reply, already fast asleep. Pearl smiled and silently closed the door, then rejoined the others downstairs.

The next month was a roller coaster. So much had changed and there were so many Gems on Earth now. Pearl knew most of them after fighting by their sides for so long during the war. There were quite a few she didn't know as well, new recruits to the Crystal Gems or Gems that ultimately decided to stay on Earth instead of returning to Homeworld. Pearl was happy to have her friends back, and to be free again, but it was also overwhelming.

There were good days and bad days. Days where she would gleefully help build a new base, or restore an old Gem structure like Tiger's Eye was the distant past. Then there were days where Tiger's Eye was all she could think about, no matter how much she tried to distract herself. She would be hair trigger, constantly on the edge of panic and quick to anger. Those days even her friends' company and support seemed overwhelming and sometimes mocking even, though she knew that was not their intention in the slightest.

Today was a bad day and also the day of a huge cookout Steven and Connie had been working on tirelessly to put together to officially welcome all the Gems to Earth. Pearl stayed in her room, tending to her swords and trying to calm herself down. There was a party to go to, friends having fun, all the effort Steven had put in to make everything perfect, she couldn't let herself ruin it. She would snap herself out of her head and go be normal.

“Hey Pearl,” Bismuth called as she came up through the water from Amethyst's room.

Pearl yelped and whirled around, standing ready to fight with the sword she was in the middle of sharpening.

“Whoa,” Bismuth held her hands up, “sorry doll, didn't mean to startle you, just wanted to-”

Pearl snarled, unable to contain the nervous rage that boiled up in her, “I have an official door to my room with a chime for a reason Bismuth! And don't go trying to smooth talk your way out of intruding with your doll nonsense! I am not just some pretty, fragile thing to be looked down on! I- oh-” she let her sword fall from her hand and disappear into the fountain, her emotions suddenly dropping off, leaving her feeling hollow and foolish. She squeezed her eyes shut and clenched her fists, “S-sorry. I'm overreacting. I'm trying, I really am. I know you didn't mean to intrude, and I know when you call me doll you mean it in an empowering and endearing way, not in a condescending and demeaning way.”

“Having a bad day?” Bismuth asked.

Pearl bit back a sarcastic retort and nodded instead, then she slumped down to the floor, letting her feet dangle off the edge of the fountain. “I'm trying not to, trying to shake it off so I can be social and have fun at the cookout but...” she scoffed at herself, “I wasn't even great at controlling my emotions before Jasper ruined me, certainly not going to suddenly improve now,” her voice turned bitter and she gestured wildly with her hands, “now instead of just being mostly crazy I'm an absolute fucking basket-case!”

Bismuth cautiously got a little closer, “Ya know, that may be the only time I have found you cussing sad and a little irritating to be completely honest.”

Pearl was quiet for a second and then patted the water next to her, giving Bismuth permission to sit next to her, “I- I know, I shouldn't be so hard on myself and chastise myself.”

Bismuth sat with a nod, “You are not a ruined Gem.”

Pearl nodded and recited, “Thinking of myself as a ruined Gem gives Jasper too much power over who I am and how I feel and she doesn't deserve that power, I know, I really do. Saying the words and doing them are two very different challenges though.”

“Any particular thing that triggered all this?” Bismuth asked.

Pearl shook her head, “I was fine a few hours ago, in a good mood even. Nothing particular happened either. I was helping Steven set a few things up outside on the beach, he was cheerful and excited as always. Nothing scared me, nothing obvious that would be linked to Jasper came up, there is just no reason for the sudden change.”

Bismuth nodded, “And that's okay-”

“Is it? Is it really?”

“Yes,” Bismuth said firmly, “sometimes feelings just _are_ , and you don't always have to justify them. In fact trying to can make things even worse. Sometimes you have to accept what you feel at face value and just cope with where you're at to get where you want to be.”

Pearl looked up at Bismuth and stared. Pearl let out a heavy sigh and leaned into Bismuth, “You are always so smart Bis.”

Bismuth blushed, “Pfft, please, I'm just a bismuth, clearly not the brains of any operations.”

Pearl frowned and playfully smacked Bismuth, “Oh no, don't give me any of that shit you hypocrite,” she smiled, “if I don't get to be hard on myself, you don't get be either.”

Bismuth blushed harder and then laughed, the sound booming across Pearl's room, “Damn, you got me there Renegade.”

Pearl slid her hand up Bismuth's forearm and then interlaced her fingers between Bismuth's fingers, “Thank you, I can't say my mood has done a one-eighty, but...I do feel a little better.”

“Always here when you need it Pearl,” Bismuth nodded.

Pearl sighed, “Problem is I don't really know what I need.”

Bismuth squeezed Pearl's hand, “Well, just remember to take things one day at a time, and if that's too much, than one hour at a time, and you know what, even one minute at a time is good when things are really rough.”

Pearl hummed in agreement, “Not really good at that whole living in the present thing. Maybe I should hang out with Amethyst more to learn.”

“Hey, not a bad idea,” Bismuth smiled, “she certainly does know how to make the most of life in the here and now.”

“Oh, right, what did you come up her to see me about?”

“Nothing particular, just saying hi and seeing what you were up to,” Bismuth glanced back at the floating swords, “more sword maintenance I gather.”

“Yes, it helps calm me most of the time, and makes me feel a little better since I still haven't been able summon my spear.”

Bismuth frowned, “Still feel like you've forgotten how?”

Pearl nodded, “Just like the fight with Jasper on the beach. Maybe it's just another permanent side effect.”

“Maybe...or it will come to you. I can make you a bunch of spears to store in your gem until then if you want.”

Pearl thought about it, “That...that would be nice actually. I do know I am quite capable with a blade but...it would feel at least a little closer to normal if I had a spear too.”

Bismuth smiled, “Alright, first thing tomorrow I'll start a batch. Oh, right, I'm supposed to help Steven build somethings for the cookout, wanna come with?”

Pearl shook her head, “I think I need to find Garnet and see if she'll help me try to meditate. Hopefully clear my head, and I should probably retrieve the sword I dropped into Amethyst's room.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Bismuth let go of Pearl's hand and stood up, jumping down to the door and calling back, “I'll be on the beach if you need me.”

Pearl quickly slipped down into Amethyst's room, finding the sword she dropped nearby on the shore of the little pool that bridge the rooms together. She stored the sword in her gem and looked for Amethyst on her way to the path to Garnet's room, but didn't see the purple quartz. When she found Garnet the fusion was already meditating. Pearl paused, debating if she should disturb her or find something else to do. She decided to leave Garnet alone.

Right as Pearl turned to leave Garnet spoke, “Please, join me.”

“I- I don't want to be a bother,” Pearl fidgeted.

Garnet phased off her glasses and looked at Pearl, her expression soft and a small smile on her face, “Pearl, if you were bothering me I wouldn't have invited you to join me. You were hoping I could maybe help you meditate correct?”

Pearl blushed and walked over in front of Garnet, mirroring her friend's stance as she sat, “Yes. Sitting still and not thinking about anything particular aren't strong suits of mine, but...I need to try something.”

Garnet nodded, “How about we just sit and talk? I know our past attempts at meditating have ended up causing more anxiety rather than alleviating it. Perhaps a different approach then?”

Pearl hesitated, “I...hmm, sitting still does make me feel anxious, like I'm wasting time, and I've already wasted so much time already with my 'depressive episodes,' and I'm already so on edge and,” she blushed and shut her mouth.

Garnet slowly reached out and rested a hand on Pearl's, “It's okay, please, continue.”

“I...I expected the sadness, and anxiety, and even being too hard on myself. I really did, I know I'm prone to all of those but....I didn't expect to be so,” Pearl paused, “angry.”

“Pearl, anger is a completely normal response,” Garnet started.

“Not like this!” Pearl interrupted, blushing at her outburst and then calming her voice, “I'm not just angry at Jasper or what was done to me, it's, it's practically everything. Wh-when I see Lapis, I remember how she trapped Jasper and abused her, and my feelings are like I'm Jasper, like it was done to me, and the memories are so vivid, Jasper's memories, like they're mine now. When I see other jaspers, and even amethysts and rose quartzes, I automatically get uncomfortable and suspicious, waiting for one of them to stab me in the back in one way or another like the troops Jasper belonged in did to her. It's like...it's like we were together for so long we can never be fully separated again,” Pearl clenched her now brown hand, “and I don't know what to do with that. I know it makes sense that I've changed, but I just...I don't even feel like just Pearl anymore, more like, I'm an impostor in this body.”

Garnet glowed and Ruby and Sapphire appeared. Pearl panicked, “Oh, no, no, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to upset you two so much that you unfused, I'll go, this was a bad idea, I-”

“Whoa, whoa Pearl, it's okay,” Ruby came over and sat next to Pearl.

“We should have warned you,” Sapphire said and sat on Pearl's other side, “We aren't upset, Garnet just thought Ruby and Sapphire separately could provide more insight.”

“Yeah,” Ruby smiled, “plus we were thinking of going to the cookout like this too, we kinda like doing things as Ruby and Sapphire now sometimes, we prefer being Garnet most of the time, but it's fun to experience things together alone too.”

“When we form Garnet again, we'll have two different experiences that meld together, and it's rather exhilarating,” Sapphire grinned.

“Yeah! Almost like Garnet was in two places at once! Almost.”

“You see, Ruby and I have been together for so long as Garnet, even when we aren't fused, we still feel connected to Garnet.”

Ruby nodded, “Yeah, it's like, well, you know when you first fuse or you start disagreeing and your consciousnesses are still separate? You're more your components rather than the new personality of the fusion? But you also still feel like the fusion? That didn't make sense did it?”

Pearl nodded, “It does, that happens with Opal frequently since Amethyst and I tend to have rather polarizing opinions and reactions, at least, when we can keep the fusion together. When we are completely focused and in-sync we're not Amethyst and Pearl anymore, just Opal, but it's so hard for us to maintain that level of focus, our fusion only improved when we learned to be comfortable with being Amethyst, Opal, and Pearl at the same time.”

Sapphire nodded, “Exactly, something that has happened more recently for Ruby and I since our break and decision to get married is when we aren't fuse, we feel like we both ourselves, and Garnet at the same time.”

Ruby nodded, “Yeah, we've learned how to be more comfortable with ourselves, and in turn, that has made our connection as Garnet even stronger. Even when we're apart, we're still together.”

“This only happened because Ruby and I chose to share ourselves on that level though.”

“For me on the other hand,” Pearl clenched her fists, “I never chose to share myself with Jasper, and we never formed a proper fusion, our consciousnesses started to meld, but we never actually formed a new personality for Tiger's Eye...so now that we're apart...I still feel the connection, it's just, instead of feeling like Pearl and Tiger's Eye, I feel like Pearl and Jasper?”

Ruby nodded and Sapphire said, “We think so, yes. That doesn't make you an impostor though.”

“And it super unfair that you have to deal with it,” Ruby added.

“Fair or not though, I do _have_ to deal with it,” Pearl sighed, “I suppose that's going to take time, right?”

Sapphire rested her gem on Pearl's hand, “Unfortunately, I know that isn't particularly helpful at the moment though.”

“No, no, it is,” Pearl smiled and grabbed Ruby's hand too, “it...well, I mean, I'm still currently in turmoil and navigating new territory, but...it is a good reminder that it isn't permanent. We used to think us Gems never grow or change, but we do.”

Ruby nodded, “Yeah! We adapt, and navigating new territory is a specialty of yours Renegade.”

Pearl blushed and chuckled, “I suppose it is.”

Pearl slipped away from the cookout to a quiet spot of the beach. She had chatted with Ruby and Sapphire until the cookout started and had been interacting for over an hour. Now though, she was taking a breather as anxiety plagued her. She looked out over the ocean at the setting sun.

An unwelcomed voice taunted Pearl, “Thinking about your precious Jasper?”

Pearl clenched her fists, “Stomps, I came over here to be alone, and I would appreciate if you stopped spreading the rumor that I enjoyed my time as Tiger's Eye.”

Pearl's skin crawled as Stomps got so close to her her back the where almost touching. Stomps whispered, “Oh please, it's not a rumor if it's true. You're a pearl, there's no shame in enjoying a big strong quartz dominating you.”

Pearl's fists shook as rage made her ears ring, “Stomps, you need to back off right now.”

Suddenly, Stomps wrapped her arms around Pearl, crushing the slender Gem against her chest and pressing her face to Pearl's neck, “or what?”

The next few moments were a blur for Pearl. She reacted, grabbing Stomps arms and flipping her forward, rolling so she could face the quartz. A shriek of rage Pearl didn't even register as her own left her throat as she began wailing on the larger gem. She didn't even notice when she broke her hand punching the gem on Stomp's face, she was too angry. Stomps countered, and Pearl was overpowered, her anger overriding her reliance on technique. 

Pearl clawed and squirmed as Stomps growled, the quartz was now wrapped up in her own fury as she squeezed Pearl's throat with one hand. Pearl realized Stomps was talking, but she couldn't focus enough to make out what she was saying, but she assumed it was likely just taunts anyways. Stomps lifted Pearl's torso off the ground and slammed her hard into the sand multiple times. Pearl gasped and she stopped resisting, stunned and winded.

Stomps panted, “Pathetic, just like I thought. You never deserved the position of power you had in the rebellion, and you sure as hell don't deserve it now. Garnet told me I need to respect you and listen to you just as I did in the war, but I ain't having it. Without your precious Rose, your fucking Diamond, you're nothing, and now with this shameless display,” she grabbed Pearl's brown hand, “it only solidifies how unfit you are. Garnet may coddle you, and Pink Diamond's son may look up to you, but I will  _never_ follow such a worthless Gem.”

Pearl snapped. One second she was pinned under Stomps, the next, she had summoned a helmet almost identical to Jasper's and spin dashed Stomps into the cliff side. The helmet disappeared as Pearl backed away, “Wha-no, what was, what am I...”

As Stomps groaned and forced herself to her hands and knees Pearl ran into the ocean. The coastal shelf came to an abrupt end and Pearl was washed into the current as she sank deep into the blue waters. She was disoriented as the sea sloshed her about, but mostly at the confusion as to what just happened. Finally, Pearl came to rest on ocean floor. She curled in on herself and laid in a tight fetal position.

Pearl wasn't sure how much time had passed, but when she opened her eyes again it was nighttime. She felt the same hopeless listlessness that overwhelmed her when she had woken up after she had broken free of Tiger's Eye. She closed her eyes again and allowed herself to drift off into a nightmare-filled sleep.

Pearl woke up when cold air pricked her skin and she became aware she was being held in large arms. She recognized the warmth radiating from Bismuth's body and without opening her eyes she gently placed her hand on Bismuth's gem.

Bismuth gave her a quick squeeze, “Morning Pearl,” her voice was soft and tired, “been looking for you on the ocean floor all night. Amethyst thought I was crazy to believe you would trap yourself in the ocean, but, I thought if you were distraught logic would be overridden again.” Pearl slowly nodded.

Bismuth walked Pearl to the house, dried her off in the bathroom, and then led her to one of the guest rooms. Bismuth guided her to the bed and wrapped the quilt around her. The large gem went to sit in a nearby chair, but Pearl reached out and then held up the quilt, inviting Bismuth to join her. Bismuth settled under the quilt next to Pearl on the bed and the lithe Gem snuggled into her side. Neither of them said anything. 

Garnet walked in a few minutes later, grabbing the chair and sitting across from the two, “I'm sorry I have to ask this now Pearl, I would prefer to give you more time, but what Stomps reported has some Gems on edge. I tried buying time by telling Stomps to keep it to herself until I got your side of the story, but that has only caused things to become more heated. So I have to ask...what happened between you and Stomps on the beach yesterday at the cookout?”

Pearl licked her lips, “I, I was feeling a little overwhelmed so I went to an isolated spot by the cliffs for a breather. Stomps either followed me or happened to go there, too. She...she started taunting me about Jasper. I told her to stop, and then she grabbed me-”

“Grabbed you how?” Garnet asked, face completely neutral.

“She, she had walked up behind me while she was talking and then she wrapped her arms around me and pulled me close she could...put her face to my neck.”

Pearl felt Bismuth tense, the large Gem clenched her jaw to hold her tongue and allow Pearl to keep talking.

“Stomps asked what would happen if she didn't stop and I...I lost control of my temper. I just, I don't know, I was so angry, I know I flipped her over and I just started punching her face over and over and, and then she was on top of me, her hand around my neck, and she was ranting about how I didn't deserve to be in a position of power within the Crystal Gems, that I was nothing without Rose, that the modifications to my form after Tiger's Eye proved I was weak and she would never follow such a worthless Gem.”

Bismuth shifted her weight, becoming more and more agitated. Garnet kept her face expressionless, “And then?”

“I...I'm not entirely sure how, but, but I summoned a weapon, except, not my weapon, but Jasper's, and I did that spin dash the quartz soldiers can do and I, I smashed Stomps right into the cliff side. I was so stunned, I just, I ran away,” tears started falling from Pearl's eyes as the events fully hit her.

“So Stomps did assault you first?” Garnet asked.

“Assault? Oh, y-yes, I suppose so, when she grabbed me. I did lose control and...went too far, more than just defending myself.”

“Oh c'mon,” Bismuth couldn't contain herself, “Garnet, Stomps has straight up lied about what happened, Pearl still has damage to her face, back, hand, and neck and it sure as Hell looks like Stomps wasn't just minding her own business or doing only enough to defend herself. We know she's been spreading bull shit about how Pearl had fallen in love with Jasper and was unfit. Plus she was taunting and egging Pearl to a fight. Even if Pearl lost her temper, Stomps is the one in the wrong,” Bismuth looked at Pearl, “Not you.”

Pearl sniffled, “Wh-what is Stomps saying happened?”

Garnet sighed, “She said she saw you looking uncomfortable at the cookout and start wandering off. She claims she followed you to check on you, and when you didn't respond to her verbally she placed a hand on your shoulder and you went off on her. Said you were in a complete frenzy and you wouldn't stop so she had to defend herself. Then she pinned you and told you to calm down but instead you summoned Jasper's helmet and slammed her into the cliff. She said she was caught off guard since she didn't know you had inherited Jasper's abilities along with her stripes and when she recovered you had vanished.”

“That's not what happened though!” Pearl frowned, “When she approached me she asked if I was missing Jasper, I told her to leave me alone and stop and she grabbed me. I, I lost my temper but I didn't just attack her!”

Garnet held up a hand, “Pearl, I believe you. Unfortunately, there are several Gems now that also believe her. She...she isn't known for her tact, and most still don't like her personally but...well,” Garnet crossed her arms, “there has been a lot of controversy within the group about Rose being Pink Diamond and you knowing. Some have even questioned if you're still loyal to Homeworld, Stomps has tapped into that fear with her story that you're unstable and violent after Tiger's Eye.”

“What? But, but I'm _not_ loyal to Homeworld! I haven't served Pink Diamond in thousands of years! Rose was an entirely different Gem to me, I never saw following her as following my Diamond. And yes, I have some...issues to work out after Tiger's Eye, but I'm not, I didn't mean to be...” Pearl started crying again, “what are we supposed to do?”

Bimsuth wrapped and arm around Pearl, “What are we going to do Garnet? Obviously Pearl's story is the truth, but we can't just say that without it looking like we're playing favorites, and all the Gems suspicious of Pearl are going to remain that way, that may even put Pearl in danger if they decide to handle it on their own.”

Garnet paused, “The only thing I can think of is a trial. Except instead of the Diamonds ruling, we get a few Gems that aren't close with Pearl or Stomps.”

“A trial? But Pearl-” Bismuth started but Pearl placed a hand on Bismuth's thigh.

“I agree Garnet. I'm not...looking forward to it, but I think it's the best way to handle this. At the very least it will show we aren't trying to hide anything.”

Garnet nodded.

“Are you sure Pearl?” Bismuth asked, “Some of the questions may get really ugly if Stomps brings up the Pink Diamond thing, or Tiger's Eye.”

“I'll keep the focus on just the incident at the cookout,” Garnet said, “this will be solely to show what happened and determine the appropriate consequences.”

Bismuth shifted, “But what if they end up believing Stomps? Or wanting to punish Pearl?”

“Then I accept the punishment,” Pearl said, “Now that all of us who were corrupted are back things like this are going to keep happening, we have to set some sort of order in place and respect that.”

Bismuth frowned, “Well, yeah, that's true I just...I wish you weren't the guinea pig. I don't think you did anything wrong, and it feels like you're being singled out. I mean, this wasn't an issue when Snowflake attacked Stomps.”

“Because Stomps doesn't have a vendetta against Snowflake and respects her a fellow quartz,” Pearl pointed out.

“Exactly! She's being biased, so why should we give her a platform to spew her nonsense?” Bismuth replied.

“If you have another idea Bismuth,” Garnet rubbed the side of her forehead, “I would love to hear it. I'm not a huge fan of this trial idea either, I just can't think of a better way to handle this. Even if we just have neutral Gems privately investigate there is still going to be doubt, it will still look secretive, and Pearl will still be at risk of Stomp's followers trying to take matters into their own hands.”

Pearl nodded, “The trial is the best bet, public forum, let the Gems hear and judge for themselves. No secrecy, no favorites. I trust my fellow Crystal Gems to make the right decision.”

Bismuth sighed, “Alright, alright. If you think it's best,” she gave Pearl another squeeze.

Pearl nodded, “Garnet, I'll stay here then until the trial, I trust you to set everything up.”

Garnet stood up and nodded, “I will.” Before she left the room she turned back, “And Pearl? Just because you have more than just physical features of Jasper doesn't mean you are any less than yourself, understand?”

Pearl blushed, “I...right, growing and adapting. Just have to take things one day at a time,” she looked up at Bismuth.

Garnet looked at Bismuth as well, “Bis, stay with Pearl and make sure no one tries anything before the trial.”

“You can count on me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two more chapters after this one! After that I may end up doing a sequel since I do have some ideas. Will be a bit different though.


End file.
